Spiderman's Confession

[Nico Leon]

I've worked on some things that cheeseisgood1918 point it out, and post it again like I said before.

Original script by Brian Michael Bendis for Ultimate Spider-man #13 published by Marvel.

(I just draw it for my pencils/inks portfolio)


Thanks!

PAGE 01




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PAge 05

[bfaye]

Wow, great work!

[donforte]

i like your style and you have a high level of skill, but i would think about playing with line weight alittle more good job.

[The Dag]

i like how you did peter.

[Nico Leon]

thank you guys! I'll work on line weights!

[MattTriano]

Thanks for sharing, this is nice stuff man.
Couple things:
-it looks like you're using SketchUp and importing the backgrounds; if I'm incorrect you've got straight lines DOWN and please tell me how and when I should go fuck myself. If I'm correct, ultimately it's your work/your decision and it can be helpful on the production line to make things digital and color-friendly. But. The Einstein poster and periodic table feel pasted on and catch me off-guard. The lines are tight and clean but they have very little personality, thus rendering the more organic setpeices e.g. the sheets, the woodgrain, the round cabinets etc feel less competent because the straight lines are SO devoid of personality. PS/Illustrator especially don't cater to freehand lines, and everything about these pages screams 'uptight.'
- Not being a fan of digital inks it's tough to be objective, but quite honestly I think it's safe to say that you're using reference and that helps a great deal with the 'life' of things; however, there's a TRACED quality to a lot of it that takes me out of the story. I kind of want to see how you might work through the drawing with your mind's filter as opposed to strict economy--it takes more work for the digital inker to shine through with their personality, their eccentricity, because so often the computer makes the irregular look erratic, and thus ineffective.
- Storytelling is solid, you followed the script closely too. Great! I wonder if you need to break panel borders (you don't), and the word balloon needs to go--samples that have words should communicate what the people are saying without copy. What if, to tell us what he's saying, you split his face in half like Ditko/Romita with one side Peter/the other side the Spidey mask? Then we'd know what he's telling her without you writing it.
Keep posting, I want to see more! Thanks again for putting it out there.
Cheers,
M

[creativesynergy]

I agree with Matt on many levels here, especially with taking the "I'm Spider-Man" out and doing the half-and-half he's suggesting. Why? Because throughout the sequence, you know, without "hearing" it, that there is dialogue going on, like a silent movie. To break that silence, to turn off the "mute" setting on the scene, for the big reveal (and, especially, then going back to silence again) takes away that "power" (if you will) from the readers/viewers, who have already invested their own imagination into what is being said elsewhere throughout the story. Start with silence, end in silence, and let the images themselves tell the story.

I absolutely love the simplicity of your lines. You manage to create the textures without overdoing it, letting their body language and facial expressions dictate the exchange, which you've done exceptionally well. One image in particular, of Peter jumping backwards into the air and onto the wall, I liked and didn't like at the same time, and here's why:

Like = You've maintained the same line weight with all three Pete's, only changing his hair from "white" to black to show the actions leading to the result, which is quite inventive as most artists I've seen in this B/W stage will soften on the thickness of their lines to show previous motions. Nice choice.

Dislike = You have three stages to the jump, the first and the last making sense, the middle telling only part of the story. But why is that? Here's the result I should see as the landing position: Peter should be upside down on the wall, not right side up. Take a look at how many aspects of the flip would need to be drawn in order for the result to be "real". You need at least two more actions in the middle: In the air upside down and the legs swinging back downwards ready to connect to the wall. The other problem with regards to this point is his proximity to the wall and the probability of his completing these five stages of the jump (to end in his upright position) being nil. It just isn't plausible. I was even looking at whether or not his simply spinning his body into the air as that middle step would work, but no. What about just having him jump backwards onto the wall? Well, that might work, but in both of these last cases, neither is very "Spidey-like" in it's dynamism or in his character. He's showing off, not trying to avoid a bus (which, in Spidey's case, STILL wouldn't be a simple jump back). Be very careful to make sure your actions make sense. Here's what I would have done in planning the choreography of this action: Look to animation. Animators will draw this brief series of actions in more than five stages in order to make it flow smoothly and fluidly because, in the end, it's literal motion vs. the implied motion of comics. Draw out each aspect of the jump, even as simple straight and curved lines to represent the body's movements, or as I've done in the past, just take your pencil or eraser (or action figure if you'd like) and simulate the backwards flip. If you're using an action figure, at what points do you re-articulate the limbs to make the body move realistically? How many actions did you notice? How many of those actions would need to be drawn in sequential art? In the case of your current three-step backflip, which I imagine was only three steps to speed up the pace of the movement, what would that middle action be in order to get to your end result? Choreography is the key. You've choreographed or directed the scene, the acting through the dramatic points, very well with a good pace that doesn't leave any blanks to fill in: Except for that flip. Something to work on.

Other than that, I have nothing but respect for your skill as an artist and storyteller. BRAVO!

Steve

[ariel]

good but to digital for my tastes...

[Nico Leon]

Originally Posted by MattTriano

-it looks like you're using SketchUp and importing the backgrounds

the truth is that my computer is not very good to do renders, so what I do is a screenshot to use as reference for drawing. The thing is that often use the straight lines tool instead of the rule, and now I realize it makes the line looks digital and perfectly tight and distracts the eye from the main action ... I just learned not to use that tool anymore

Originally Posted by MattTriano

What if, to tell us what he's saying, you split his face in half like Ditko/Romita with one side Peter/the other side the Spidey mask? Then we'd know what he's telling her without you writing it.

Originally Posted by creativesynergy

I agree with Matt on many levels here, especially with taking the "I'm Spider-Man" out and doing the half-and-half he's suggesting.

Had not thought about the question of sound, I think it's a great idea to remove the dialogue. I'm going to do it, but instead of the average face (which is very used in Spidey and I do not like much) what I will do is to put the eyes of Spiderman (with the mask web lines too) in a gigantic close shot as background in this panel, same angle as Peter's face.


Matt and Steve really thank you very much!!!
I live in a small town where there are no comic's scholl, but post here is as I if attending to one. I've learned a lot from your critics! Thank you!

Ah... to calculate the movements I use an 90's G.I. Joe naked ninja action figure hahaha.

[jeffo46]

I love the style of your art. The characters actually look like teenagers and your backgrounds are realistic, but as a inker myself, I would add more line weights . Other than that, great job. I would buy this.

[omarmesa]

I'm a professional artist.I've been drawing before most of these guys were born.I didn't notice anything wrong with this until everyone else pointed it out.Food for thought.

[MattTriano]

Originally Posted by omarmesa

I'm a professional artist.I've been drawing before most of these guys were born.I didn't notice anything wrong with this until everyone else pointed it out.Food for thought.

I've seen you post elsewhere with similar advice, so as a cumulative question I'm wondering what message you're conveying; it's a curious thing, because in this post it seems as though you're saying one of two things. Either the group critique swayed your favor for the work in question to the negative, or it would seem the underlying theme is that only upon formally analyzing a work does it fall apart. I'm quite honestly confused by either of these ideas, and I don't see a third option.
Are you a cartoonist? Single panel or sequential, if yes? The reason I ask is because drawing long form comics in a clear, economic and entertaining way requires an incredible interdisciplinary base. It isn't enough to draw well, or compose images pleasingly, or understand perspectival space. Any and all by themselves are impressive, but telling the story you have in your head on paper so that anyone from ages 8 to 80 understands it is an extreme challenge.
Anyone asking for a critique on their sequential work, amatuer and pro alike, is asking for an audience with a voice; this should be applauded. Peer review is a wonderful thing, to get outside one's creative headspace and find new ways of looking at one's own work is a valid path to breakthrough. No one's opinion is gospel, nor should it be dismissed; this is the essence of subjectivity.
Those who post and request critique want their comics deconstructed; they want to improve their ability to communicate, which should be celebrated.
What do you think? I'm curious.
Cheers,
M

[Demias123]

Awww, you left out the kissing scene hahaha

This is great, the artwork is so clean!!

[AlonsoMolina]

Hey, I like your work, very clean, very realistic. However there are some thing I didnt like (sorry if by chance my I write something in te wrong tone, english is not my mother language).

Page 1 Panels 2 and 3- MJs hair is stiff. It should have fallen a bit to the right.
Page 2 panels 5 and 6- Though it works, i think the camera is a bit too far. It makes the room look huge.
Page 3 last panel- The perspective is wrong. Its as if you had done an isometric view instead of a perspective.
Page 4 panel 2- The angle is the same as in panel 1. You should have made a close up or something. Play a bit more with the camera.
Page 4 panel 3- The blank space over MJ makes the room look huge.
Page 5 panel 2- Again I would have used a closer look to MJs face.
Page 5 panel 3- Peter is to high for reaching to MJ like he does in panel 5 (and also I can tell that the position on the roof is not were shes looking). I would have rotated the view a bit more, so that Peter could be were MJ is looking.

With all this said, all I have left to tell you is congratulations, I can say that you can draw almost perfect anathomy. But you need to improve your camera angles, move it a little bit more.

[Nico Leon]

Thank you for your coments! I really appreciate every word you wrote!

AlonsoMolina> Me imagino que debés hablar castellano, perdón por no avisar antes, soy de Argentina. Muchas gracias por tus criticas y por el tiempo que le dedicaste! la verdad que lo del pelo duro de MJ me dejó justamente duro jaja. Es muy cierto que en esos paneles quedo re acartonado el pelo no me había dado cuenta ni me iba a dar cuenta jamás. Mil Gracias!
Voy a empezar a mover más las cámaras.
En el último cuadro, Peter se manda la bajadita clásica de cabeza colgado de la telaraña... fue muy claro en mi cabeza, pero la verdad que el cuadro no lo explica para nada XD. Pero estaba dificil porque quería un primer plano y no me alcanzaban los cuadros, me faltó imaginación jaja