|06-02-2012, 07:56 PM||#1|
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Seattle, WA
5 Daredevil pages ( That you can now see)
I think I got it to work!
Let me know what ya think. What should I work on? Do I suck? let me know. Out to get as much advice as I can! Thanks.
PANEL ONE: ITíS LATE AFTERNOON/DUSK. FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THIS ENTIRE FIRST SCENE TAKES PLACE AT THE CLOISTERS, A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK BUILDING/GARDEN/PARK MADE UP OF SEVERAL EUROPEAN MEDIEVAL ABBEYS. STEVE SUGGESTED IT (GOOD CALL, STEVE) BECAUSE ITíS COLORFUL AND DOESNíT LOOK LIKE ALL THE USUAL DAREDEVIL SET PIECES.
LETíS START WITH AN ESTABLISHING SHOT FROM WHATEVER ANGLE YOU THINK IS MOST BEAUTIFUL, BUT IíD SUGGEST KEEPING IT TO NO MORE THAN A THIRD OF THE PAGE SO THE NEXT PANEL CAN HAVE SOME PUNCH.
CAPTION: On the northern tip of Manhattan, overlooking the Hudson, is a branch of the Metropolitan Museum called THE CLOISTERS.
PANEL TWO, BIG: DAREDEVIL, BATTLE-READY, BILLY CLUB IN HAND AND READY TO POUNCE, HIS SENSES AT FULL ALERT, CROUCHES IN THE SHADOWS ON A SCENIC ROOFTOP.
PANEL THREE: SUPER-TIGHT ON DAREDEVILíS EYES, SQUINTING A BIT AS HE CONCENTRATES. MAYBE JUST THIS ONE TIME, TO FULLY MAKE CLEAR WHATíS GOING ON, WE SEE CONCENTRIC CIRCLES REPRESENTING RADAR SENSE EMANATING FROM BETWEEN HIS EYES. I WOULDNíT WANT TO DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE AN ISSUE, AND IíM WAY OPEN TO ANY IDEAS YOU MIGHT HAVE ABOUT A SLIGHTLY HIPPER VISUAL TO IT.
PANEL ONE: DAREDEVILíS POV, AS PERCEIVED BY HIS RADAR SENSE. A SMALL WEDDING IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE IN THE GARDEN BELOW, BUT TO DD, ITíS ALL SLIGHTLY FUZZY SILHOUETTES.
PANEL TWO: TIGHT PROFILE ON DD CONCENTRATING ON HIS EARS AND HIS MOUTH--BREAK IT UP IF YOU NEED TO.
PANEL THREE: TIGHT ON DDíS HAND--UNGLOVED, BUT WRAPPED AROUND HIS GLOVE AS THE TIPS OF HIS FIRST AND SECOND FINGERS TOUCH THE EXPENSIVE WEDDING INVITATION.
PANEL FOUR: TIGHT ON DDíS NOSE AND, IF YOU THINK IT WORKS, HIS INTRIGUED SMILE.
PANEL FIVE: NORMAL POV. AS THE PROCESSION STARTS, THE ADORABLE FIVE-YEAR-OLD FLOWER GIRL IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE JUST AHEAD OF THE BRIDE. ALL EYES ARE ON THE BRIDE, NATCH. IF YOU CARE TO, FEEL FREE TO PUT DD WAY IN THE BACKGROUND, UNNOTICED, BUT DONíT KILL YOURSELF TO DO SO.
PANELS SIX-SEVEN: TIGHTER ON THE FLOWER GIRLíS FEET AS A BLACK CIRCLE BEGINS TO OPEN UP ON THE GROUND IN HER PATH.
PANEL ONE: STAYING ON THE FLOWER GIRLíS FEET, SHEíS ABOUT TO WALK INTO THE HOLE--AND FROM IT, THE GNARLED ARMS AND HANDS OF THE CREEPY-ASS VILLAIN THE SPOT ARE REACHING UP TO GRAB HER!
PANEL TWO, BIG: JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME AND TO THE SHOCK OF THE WEDDING GUESTS, INCLUDING THE BRIDE, DAREDEVIL SWINGS IN ON HIS BILLY-CLUB LINE AND PULLS THE LITTLE GIRL TO SAFETY!
PANEL THREE: A BURLY BODYGUARD, WATCHING DD SWING AWAY, PULLS HIS GUN FROM UNDER HIS JACKET, BUT THE BRIDE YELLS AT HIM, STOPS HIM.
BODYGUARD: Heís got KATIE! TAKE HIM DOWN!
BRIDE/burst: NO! Youíll HIT her! DONíT SHOOT!
PANEL FOUR: ARCING ACROBATICALLY, HOLDING THE FRIGHTENED CHILD, DDíS COMING IN FOR A GRACEFUL LANDING--BUT HE CANíT YET TELL THAT ANOTHER BLACK SPOT IS OPENING UP RIGHT WHERE HEíS ABOUT TO TOUCH DOWN--
PANELS ONE and TWO: --AND, CONTORTING WILDLY WITHOUT DROPPING THE KID, HE JUST MANAGES TO AVOID THE HOLE AND THE EMERGING CREEPY HANDS (BOTH ARMS THIS TIME, NEARLY UP TO THE TORSO), BOUNCING BACK UP RATHER THAN STAYING PUT!
PANEL THREE: DDíS POV ON THE REACHING ARMS--AND HERE THEYíRE ACTUALLY EXTRA DISTURBING AND CREEPY BECAUSE, IN SILHOUETTE AND THROUGH DAREDEVILíS RADAR-SENSE, THE BLACK PARTS ďREADĒ AS EMPTY, LIKE SPOT IS STUDDED WITH RANDOM SWISS-CHEESE CUTAWAYS. EEEW.
PAGE FIVE, REVISED
PANEL ONE: DAREDEVIL, STILL HOLDING THE GIRL, BOUNDS HIGH AND ACROBATICALLY ABOVE THE AGHAST WEDDING CROWD.
PANEL TWO: DAREDEVILíS POV AGAIN--A SILHOUETTE OF THE CROWD (AND FEEL FREE TO HAVE IT AT A WEIRD ANGLE SINCE DDíS ARCING THROUGH THE AIR). SEVERAL REGULAR EKG-HEARTBEAT LINES ACROSS THE SHOT--AND ONE IRREGULAR LINE WITH A HUGE SPIKE.
PANEL THREE: DAREDEVIL, LANDING NEXT TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM, POINTS ACCUSINGLY AT A VERY NERVOUS BODYGUARD--THE ONE WHO ALMOST OPENED FIRE ON HIM. OTHERS REACT IN HORROR TO THE BODYGUARD.
|06-13-2012, 10:46 AM||#2|
Join Date: Mar 2012
I'm not an artist so my critique isn't the most professional.
First up, my overall impression is that this is some beautiful work.
Page 1: Love your rendition of the Cloisters (I assume you used references for this). However, I'm guessing this scene is to occur in that courtyard and in the wide shot it looks deserted. That second panel is a little boring but I'm going to blame Mark Waid for that because even the published version is a little dull.
Page 2: Nice effect with DD's radar. With panel 2 and 4 DD is facing the opposite way, which is a little disconcerting. Panel 6 is good...
Page 3: ...and in Panel 1 you nail it. Pretty good background and figures in the crowd scene.
Page 4: I'm not liking the funky panel layout. All the empty space and overlapping panels doesn't do it for me. Fill the page so the reader feels like they're getting their money's worth.
Page 5: Again, awesome work with the radar sense but maybe instead of the larger crowd you could have focused on the individuals in the panel and have the spiked EKG be more associated with the body guard.
In conclusion, you don't suck. I look forward to seeing more of your stuff. Do you have a deviantart page?