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Old 05-05-2016, 09:04 PM   #1
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TPG Week 280: A Race Of The Ages (Or: One Week To The End)



Welcome back, one and all, to the next-to-last installment of The Proving Grounds! That's right, folks! Next week is the big finale. After that, there will only be memories that can be revisited in the archives. Lots of good material in there. You should definitely check it out.

Anyway, this week brings us Gavin Falcon as our Brave One. We also have Steve Colle in blue, we have Ryan Kroboth with his mighty pencil, and I'm the guy lounging in red. As for Gavin, he said he's been following along lately. Let's see if this is true, or if this script has been

Jury Rigged

PAGE 1 (3 panels)

Panel 1: We'll open the story with an extremely far and wide establishing shot of the Scraplands, a blasted out wasteland covered in huge piles of scrap, rubble and a few crumbling concrete buildings under a noxious grey sky (think post-nuclear without the nuclear). It's very early morning, and a decent portion of the land behind the scrap heaps is shrouded in shadow. A few settlements, which are mostly just tight clusters of run down, makeshift metal buildings sparsely dot the landscape as well. At this distance the piles would probably just appear as formless grey and rust colored masses, with the area between them being uncovered dirt. The area used to be forested, so a few burnt out trees are probably still standing (they might not show from this far out though).

1/NARRATION

My mother used to tell me that the world was once a better place…

Panel 2: Still a fairly wide establishing shot, zoomed in enough that we can clearly make out a cluster of six or so individual scrapheaps in varying sizes and compositions. Pretty much anything metal can be found in them, so go wild with whatever you think would look cool. Most of it should be broken down or rusted out though, to continue with the theme.

2/NARRATION (Continued)(I'm not much of a stickler for “rules.” There are certain things that I hold true, like page breaks, but really, lots of things can be done to make up a script. I'm lazy, though, and have never thought of needing to have a note that said “continued” for the letterer. It's one more thing that has to be typed, and that takes time. Time you could be doing something else with, like discovering a clever bit of dialogue. Yes, this is me being long-winded in saying that the “continued” note is unnecessary.)

That, when she was young, it hadn't always been a battle just to survive in the land we call home.

Click here on 5/6/2016 to read more!
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Old 05-08-2016, 07:12 AM   #2
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Panel 5: Glory lands heavily in a cloud of sand and dust, knees bent low and grimacing if we can see her face through the plume, with her hands pressed flat on the sheet as she tries to keep her balance. (Ryan? I think most of these are going to be drawable without much of a problem. However, I’m interested to see your take on this panel. Thanks!)
This week was pretty fun. But before the panel for this week, I did a super quick rough thumb of the page the panel is on. Let's start with that!



I thought that this page had a very nice visual flow, where the panels could be laid out where Glory is on the scrap heap, moving down the page in her location. The final panel could be a full bleed, behind the panels above it to help show the height of the heap and tie that location together.

Since this week wasn't much of a correction, I kinda rolled with it and just had some fun with it. Here is that panel.



There isn't much for me to say. Through the script there was some terminology that I was unfamiliar with and what you meant by it. For example, you say Glory has rougish features. I couldn't find what you meant by that online (Google, you failed me). It could just be me living in my bubble of a world, though.

For me, I was alright with the opening, as I liked how it helped reveal the character's personality. But if the story stays slow after these pages, then it might not be the strongest place to start. If the next scene the group gets attacked by bandits, and Glory tries to save them but runs out of juice for her glove and the leader dies because of it, or something, then that would make this scene have even more gravity. I guess it's hard to say without knowing the scope of what's happening.

I wish you the best of luck, Gavin. This could be something fun to get into, and I hope to find out where it goes when this comes out. A little push and pull and this should turn out great.
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Old 05-08-2016, 09:10 PM   #3
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Pretty awesome way to tackle that page, Ryan. Love that you showed the rough thumbs you did to get to the individual panel.
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Old 05-09-2016, 12:08 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by jpgaltmiller View Post
Pretty awesome way to tackle that page, Ryan. Love that you showed the rough thumbs you did to get to the individual panel.
Thanks, Jave!
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Old 05-10-2016, 01:45 AM   #5
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Love the page layout, Ryan. I was thinking you could start with panel one as a smaller panel and have them get progressively larger as Glory goes further down the scrap heap, ending with panel five being close and low so that it looks like she is almost on top of it to make it feel like she's getting closer. You could have the scene go across pages four and five to give you more room to show everything, but it probably wouldn't be worth it.
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Old 05-12-2016, 06:36 AM   #6
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Thanks for the edits Steven and Steve. One lesson I'm slowly learning is that it is important to reveal enough information early on to hook the reader in.

Well done for submitting Gavin . I love post apocalyptic stuff and the glowing glove was a nice hook for me. Good luck with your project.

Thanks Ryan for sharing the panel layouts this week - it's really interesting seeing your thought process in the thumbnails. I love the concept of having the scrap heap in the background and the smaller panels positioned down the page. Nice job .
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Old 05-14-2016, 08:51 PM   #7
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There's a lot to be said for the first page or two containing something that's going to make the reader pay attention.

What if the first page of this story showed Glory sledding down the rubbish, with Clinks (OP) shouting "I am going to kill you!"

That gives us a fun, kinetic start with the threat of death. It can transpire that the threat is metaphorical, and one assumes that there is a cool story behind all this. We just never got to it!
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