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Old 09-17-2011, 01:51 AM   #1
Evan Henry
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One-pagers

Here's an idea -- Writers, post your best one-page stories here. A while ago, CHWolf suggested posting one-pagers that seem like part of a bigger comic. If that's your thing, go for it. But self-contained stories are cool too!

3
2
1

Go!



“NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP”

a horror story in one page

Script by Evan Henry

1- Establishing shot. The bedroom of a five-year-old boy at nighttime. The child (for purposes of dialogue we’ll call him BOBBY) lies on his bed under the covers as his MOTHER bends down to kiss him good night. Seen around the room are the various artifacts you would see in the bedroom of a small child -- toys, stuffed animals, etc. A window (partially closed off by drapes) is visible on the far side of the room from our POV, and through the window we see that it is night. The full moon is also partially visible.

MOTHER: GOOD NIGHT, BOBBY. MOMMY LOVES YOU.

2- His MOTHER is now visible standing in the doorway. She has just turned off the overhead light in the bedroom, and now the only light visible is pouring in from the door. She is looking in on BOBBY, who is visible in the left-hand foreground, his eyes closed. He is feigning sleep.

MOTHER: I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. DON’T LET THE BED BUGS BITE.

3- Same shot as the last panel, except now the door has been closed and the only light is coming from the moon, streaming in from the window. BOBBY’s eyes are now wide open.

NO COPY.

4- View from outside the bedroom window, with a barren tree branch protruding into our frame of view. Inside, BOBBY has sat up in bed, now sitting on his knees with his hands clasped together and his eyes closed in a classic praying pose.

BOBBY: NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP…

5- Closer in as BOBBY continues praying. The panes of the window are now in the immediate foreground.

BOBBY: …I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO KEEP…

6- Closer still. Now a close shot of BOBBY, still kneeling and still praying.

BOBBY: …IF I SHOULD DIE BEFORE I WAKE…

7- Small panel. Close-up on BOBBY’s mouth, smiling a wicked smile with a mouth full of razor-sharp fangs.

BOBBY: I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE.


29 Jan ‘11
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Old 09-19-2011, 11:13 PM   #2
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Cool! I'm brand new to writing for comics but I may take this 'one page challenge' as practice. Looks like a GREAT exercise!
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:24 PM   #3
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Post Pistol Packing Granny

I was converting my blog to script format and sort of fizzled out for the night. Decided to toss in a one-pager just to get away from my big projects for a bit.

Brand new to this so feel free to critique anything about it - would love to have some feedback.


Pistol Packing Granny

One Page Short

Author: Unknown
As re-told by The Graveyard Dog

Scenario: A police officer has initiated a traffic stop and finds an elderly lady behind the wheel. The officer soon finds out that there is no such thing as a ‘routine’ traffic stop.

Panel One: A long shot establishing the scene of an elderly lady behind the wheel of a larger, out-of-date car. There is a patrol car behind her with the lights activated. The police officer is approaching the elderly lady’s door. The elderly lady is digging through her purse in order to get her papers ready for the cop.

OFFICER: (Thought) Greeeeaaaaaaat… a blue hair. I hate stopping older drivers…

Panel Two: A medium shot focusing on the officer standing along side the door of the lady’s car. The lady has retrieved her wallet which stands open for the officer to see as he begins to address her.

OFFICER: Hello, Ma’am. Can I see your drivers license, registration, proof of –

Panel Three: We focus on the face of the officer who is obviously - surprised? Alarmed? Perhaps a little of both. As he points towards the wallet of the elderly lady.

OFFICER: WAIT! Is that a concealed carry permit?!?!

Panel Four: Returning to a medium shot of the officer standing alongside the lady’s window as the two converse.

ELDERLY LADY: Yes it is, officer. I have a .45 in the glove box, a 9 mil under my seat and a .38 strapped to my ankle.

Panel Five: A medium shot of the two, focusing on the reaction of the officer as he inquires about the old ladies need for the weapons.

OFFICER: Wow – that is a lot of firepower. Tell me, Granny… just what are you so afraid of?

Panel Six: A medium shot of the lady and the officer conversing, however this time we focus on the elderly lady’s face. There is a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous grin across her mouth.

ELDERLY LADY: Truthfully, sonny – NOT A GOD-DAMNED THING!
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Old 09-21-2011, 10:25 AM   #4
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Hard at work

HARD AT WORK

Page 1: Night - 7 panels

Pan 1 Medium
Foreground: A man sits at his desk busily typeing on his computer. It's a work den with various bookshelves and office related articles. A cracked (ajar) door can be seen in the background. Moonlight shines in from off panel through the partially opened blinds to the ajar door. The man's face is lit by his monitor. Near the man between the door and the desk is a separate small stand cluttered with a lamp, photos of his kids, the pet cat and family. There is a clear glass beverage here as well. The stand has a decorative woven tablecloth cover that hangs over the sides.

SFX- Tikt Takt tikitytiktiktak TAK.

Pan 2 Medium
Same as above but the "ajar" door in the background is now half open.

SFX - Tiktytakttitktitk TAK

Door SFX- creeeak

Pan 3 Medium
Same as above, the man has stopped to take a drink.

Man- Slurp.

Pan 4 Medium
Same as panel 2.

SFX- TiktktktiktikTAK

Pan 5 Medium
Same angle as above. The family cat slams halfway onto the small draped table and scares the man typing. All the crap on the table teeters. The cat's front claws are dug in for dear life, it's fighting for a hold and the cloth is slipping.

SFX- CAR-AASH!

Pan 6 Medium
This panel is devoted to several SFX.

SFX- CRASH-CRUNK-SCRRRRAAPE! WHOOOOSH!

Panel 7 Long
Angle is from the open door where the cat came in. Cat in foreground. This is the big ending reveal and the man's reaction. The Cat licks it's crotch among the debre like nothing happened. All clutter that was on the small table is now on the floor around the cat. The man stands in a "WTF?!" gesture over the cat, his hands clench the air to his sides, a vein buldges on his forehead, his mouth is wide open. He is soaking wet from the beverage that landed on him. The computer fizzles and sparks in the background.

Man- HAAAAY!

Cat- prrrrrrrrrr....
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Old 10-27-2011, 07:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graveyard Dog View Post

OFFICER: Wow – that is a lot of firepower. Tell me, Granny… just what are you so afraid of?

Panel Six: A medium shot of the lady and the officer conversing, however this time we focus on the elderly lady’s face. There is a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous grin across her mouth.

ELDERLY LADY: Truthfully, sonny – NOT A GOD-DAMNED THING!
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Old 10-30-2011, 12:45 AM   #6
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Graveyard dog, the way you wrote this looks great. It does seem simple enough for an artist like me to follow. Once I find my place on where I stand on which style I feel comfortable drawing in, I will like to tackle this script. My art is put up on this forum if you’re wondering; I’m asking the kind folks here at DW to help me with it, anyway, good job.
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Old 10-20-2018, 08:47 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graveyard Dog View Post
I was converting my blog to script format and sort of fizzled out for the night. Decided to toss in a one-pager just to get away from my big projects for a bit.

Brand new to this so feel free to critique anything about it - would love to have some feedback.


Pistol Packing Granny

One Page Short

Author: Unknown
As re-told by The Graveyard Dog

Scenario: A police officer has initiated a traffic stop and finds an elderly lady behind the wheel. The officer soon finds out that there is no such thing as a ‘routine’ traffic stop.

Panel One: A long shot establishing the scene of an elderly lady behind the wheel of a larger, out-of-date car. There is a patrol car behind her with the lights activated. The police officer is approaching the elderly lady’s door. The elderly lady is digging through her purse in order to get her papers ready for the cop.

OFFICER: (Thought) Greeeeaaaaaaat… a blue hair. I hate stopping older drivers…

Panel Two: A medium shot focusing on the officer standing along side the door of the lady’s car. The lady has retrieved her wallet which stands open for the officer to see as he begins to address her.

OFFICER: Hello, Ma’am. Can I see your drivers license, registration, proof of –

Panel Three: We focus on the face of the officer who is obviously - surprised? Alarmed? Perhaps a little of both. As he points towards the wallet of the elderly lady.

OFFICER: WAIT! Is that a concealed carry permit?!?!

Panel Four: Returning to a medium shot of the officer standing alongside the lady’s window as the two converse.

ELDERLY LADY: Yes it is, officer. I have a .45 in the glove box, a 9 mil under my seat and a .38 strapped to my ankle.

Panel Five: A medium shot of the two, focusing on the reaction of the officer as he inquires about the old ladies need for the weapons.

OFFICER: Wow – that is a lot of firepower. Tell me, Granny… just what are you so afraid of?

Panel Six: A medium shot of the lady and the officer conversing, however this time we focus on the elderly lady’s face. There is a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous grin across her mouth.

ELDERLY LADY: Truthfully, sonny – NOT A GOD-DAMNED THING!
That's a cool story and a bit funny too. Really good. As an artist, while reading this, I cane picture the panel layout in my head. Good work!
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Old 10-30-2018, 04:04 AM   #8
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Overall, a fun little talking heads piece. There are some things that could be done to punch it up and add some more clarity for the artist as well as tighten up some of the dialogue (see the notes below), but it's a pretty decent one-pager.

And if anyone else would like some feedback on their one page stories let me know, and I'll see if I can get to some throughout the week. I started off with this one since Graveyard Dog mentioned feedback in the post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graveyard Dog View Post
Scenario: A police officer has initiated a traffic stop and finds an elderly lady behind the wheel. The officer soon finds out that there is no such thing as a ‘routine’ traffic stop.
There's no real need for a scenario for comic book pages. Generally, you'd save space like this at the top for special notes or in the case of short stories, character descriptions since the artist wouldn't always have a bible to work from.

Quote:
Panel One: A long shot establishing the scene of an elderly lady behind the wheel of a larger, out-of-date car. There is a patrol car behind her with the lights activated. The police officer is approaching the elderly lady’s door. The elderly lady is digging through her purse in order to get her papers ready for the cop.

OFFICER: (Thought) Greeeeaaaaaaat… a blue hair. I hate stopping older drivers…
Technically, there's a lot left open in this one panel. If you think about what the artist has to draw... they have to have an angle where you can see the larger car, see the police car, see the police officer approaching, AND see the elderly lady inside the car getting her papers ready. It does give the artist flexibility, but the artist can also fall into a spiral trying to figure out the best way to do it. "If I go from the passenger side, I can see inside the window as the lady reaches for papers and show the officer approaching through the windows with the patrol car parked behind. Or, I could go from a higher dynamic angle looking down into the front windshield to show her reaching for the papers and then stretch the panel taller to get the patrol car in the scene even though that won't leave as much room for the other five panels." And I can think of at least two other ways of presenting the scene.

Since the next panel has them talking through the window, you could compress this and give the artist a little more direction to help speed up their process with something as simple as, "In the front seat of her car, an ELDERLY LADY reaches for her registration papers as patrol car lights flash in her rear-view mirror. In the side mirror, a POLICE OFFICER approaches."

The artist will always have the option to change it around if they see a better way, but if it gets to be crunch time, thinking the panel description through like this can help artists speed through by limiting things to a couple options for how to draw the scene instead of four or five.

I also recommend uppercasing the characters in a scene (and any important items to be drawn). It's not a requirement, but it does make it a little easier for the artist to quickly review the scene to see what characters are interacting.

The dialogue could also be tightened up. With blue hair reference, you don't really need to mention the driver is older. "Great. Why'd it have to be a blue hair?"

Quote:
Panel Two: A medium shot focusing on the officer standing along side the door of the lady’s car. The lady has retrieved her wallet which stands open for the officer to see as he begins to address her.

OFFICER: Hello, Ma’am. Can I see your drivers license, registration, proof of –
Nitpicky, but most officers will start with, "Do you know why I pulled you over today?" This works for moving things along though since it is a one page story.

Quote:
Panel Three: We focus on the face of the officer who is obviously - surprised? Alarmed? Perhaps a little of both. As he points towards the wallet of the elderly lady.

OFFICER: WAIT! Is that a concealed carry permit?!?!
Clarity for the artist is always a good plan. Nail down an expression and run with it (a mixture of surprise and alarm could be described as shocked). Most artists will get the idea and run with it, but there are some who draw what they read (and might try to draw a half-surprised/half-alarmed face or come back with questions). Also note, you're telling the artist to focus on the officer's face AND show him pointing at the wallet. When focus is used, an artist will usually zoom in on what's specified. It sounds like you want the scene to be facing the officer to see his expression as he points and not zoomed in on his face.

Quote:
Panel Four: Returning to a medium shot of the officer standing alongside the lady’s window as the two converse.

ELDERLY LADY: Yes it is, officer. I have a .45 in the glove box, a 9 mil under my seat and a .38 strapped to my ankle.
Usually better to show instead of tell. Imagine the scene if the glove box were open, a gun case was shown on the floor pulled out partway from under the seat, and the lady lifting the hem of her dress or pant leg to show off the gun on the ankle.

Quote:
Panel Five: A medium shot of the two, focusing on the reaction of the officer as he inquires about the old ladies need for the weapons.

OFFICER: Wow – that is a lot of firepower. Tell me, Granny… just what are you so afraid of?
An officer probably wouldn't refer to an older lady as "Granny" (imagine the drama if the person the officer pulled over lost her children and never became a grandma). Also, as a person who grew up with Beverly Hillbillies reruns on TV, Granny made me picture one specific Granny (and if the artist didn't draw that specific person, it might pull people like me from the story). Not really a specific critique with that last part... just older people (like me) problems.

Quote:
Panel Six: A medium shot of the lady and the officer conversing, however this time we focus on the elderly lady’s face. There is a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous grin across her mouth.

ELDERLY LADY: Truthfully, sonny – NOT A GOD-DAMNED THING!
Again, having the artist focus on something while also asking them to draw something from a wider frame. Something to keep in mind when writing scripts.
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Old 09-28-2011, 12:30 AM   #9
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Simple little one-page script here. Want to see if I have any talent for writing sports in sequential form.

Game Winner


1. Something of an establishing shot here inside of an American Football stadium. The quarterback, wearing number 13, walks up behind his row of down linemen, ready to receive the ball. On the scoreboard in the background, we get all the information we need. COL has 16 points, UT has 21, and there are two seconds remaining in the fourth and final quarter. With a score like that, it’s clear that Colorado, the home team, need to score a touchdown in order to win the game. If not, then Utah will leave with the victory.

2. The quarterback is handed the ball through the legs of the center. A close-up is good here, as to not crowd the shot with too much of a 300 pound man’s backside.

3. The quarterback falls back and throws a pass, with the ball spiraling right out of the panel and over to panel 4.

4. The receiver, wearing the number 82, collects the ball that the quarterback threw from panel 3. He is forced to jump up into the air a bit to make the catch, reaching up out of the panel himself to make the grab, but he catches it all the same.

5. The defense spots the receiver, pointing over toward him (or rather, the left side of the panel and, thus, the last panel where he make his catch) and running as fast as possible in his general direction.

6. The receiver is cornered by the defense near the orange pylon marking the edge of the endzone, forced to leap over their heads or else be tackled. So he launches himself skyward. It is a mighty leap indeed.

7. The receiver lands face-first in the edge of the endzone, stretching his arms forward and over the line, ball in hand. In the background, the referee raises his arms vertically overhead, signaling a touchdown. He is also puffy-cheeked and blowing quite hard on his whistle.

8. The receiver is carried off as a hero on the shoulders of his teammates, while in the foreground, the football lays discarded on the painted grass.
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:58 AM   #10
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THE PLOT UNRAVELS
Written and created by CHWolf, all rights reserved.

SPLASH PAGE

This is a close shot of a man's face. Sweat marks his brow as he stares, wide-eyed, directly at the reader. Fear has obviously gripped him as his teeth are clenched.

MAN: GOOD GOD.
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Old 10-26-2011, 01:38 PM   #11
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Welcoming feedback

Any feedback on the one-pager below would be appreciated. I'd especially like to hear from artists on whether the amount of panel description is appropriate and any suggestions they may have for writers on conveying clear descriptions without being too cumbersome.

"SOMEBODY SAVE ME"

PAGE ONE (six panels)

Panel 1

Open panel - no borders. A skyscraper looms on the left, it
trails down into the left-hand gutter. To the right in the
sky, is DRAGON-MAN in a superhero outfit holding a giant
missile/rocket back from hitting the city. He looks muscular
but human, except for the dragon wings. The missile/rocket
has large dents in, as the DRAGON-MAN has pounded it with
his fists, and an open panel where he has torn out the
explosives. On the right of the panel is an unfinished
skyscraper extended higher than the building on the left.
As young woman in a flower-print sundress which is being
blown by a strong wind, is walking on one of the steel
girders.

CAPTION
They're careless and I save them.

Panel 2.

In the same tier as panel 3. DRAGON-MAN swooping a baby out
of a carriage about to be hit by a truck.

CAPTION (CONT'D)
From dangers great and small.

Panel 3.

DRAGON-MAN, in his outfit but without wings, ringing the
bell at the stock exchange flanked by men in suits (see
reference).

CAPTION (CONT'D)
Defense spending is down. The economy
is up.

Panel 4

DRAGON-MAN inside a bank being robbed. A small flame, on
its side as compared to how flame is normally, is near his
open mouth. Extending from it are heat waves breathed towards
frozen patrons to the right. The closest one or two are
melted from the head to the torso and frozen from the rest
of the way down. Others are frozen completely. To the right
of them a frozen vault door is shattered as it is kicked by
a criminal with a freeze-ray gun in his/her hand.

CAPTION 1 (upper left of panel)
And they fight for scraps. Always
inventing new ways to hurt themselves.

CAPTION 2 (lower right of panel)
Yet still...

Panel 5

SHOT FROM BELOW

Same tier as panel 6. This panel conveys super-heroism. The
young woman from panel 1 has fallen and DRAGON-MAN has caught
her by her fingers. He is standing on a girder and his
wings are folding in.
CAPTION
...I catch them when they fall.

Panel 6

SHOT FROM ABOVE.

The atmosphere/mood and DRAGON-MAN's expression have changed.
His hand is open - wings gone, withdrawn into his body - and
the young woman is falling towards the crowd below.

CAPTION (CONT'D)
What would happen if I don't?
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Old 10-30-2011, 01:01 AM   #12
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Nice amcoppola. Honestly the way you describe your panels and how an artist will take the amount of descriptions depends of course on the artist. Some like it and others would want the freedom to do what they want. I personally like scripts like this because it doesn’t leave me in the dark, I’m not saying I’m not creative but this is helpful. You did well.
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Old 10-30-2011, 01:05 AM   #13
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Supermoneky, your script sounds scary, awesome. It made sense.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:58 PM   #14
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Page1
Panel 1

Int. Liquid Store early evening
This is a full panel shot, we’re inside a liquid store and NR (Nightraptor) is performing a dramatic yet gracefully ass-kicking of three preps who are trying to rob the place.

ALISSA CAP.1
If I admit that seeing grown men grown scrap in front of me turns me on and I’ll be setting back women back a few decades.

ALISSA CAP.2
So I guess I need to start apologizing now and give up my right to vote.

ALISSA CAP.3
By the way name is Alissa and the guy in the Kevlar kicking ass and taking names is my current beau Nightraptor

ALISSA CAP.4
And the guy who is currently getting his ass kicked is my ex-boyfriend and father of daughter.

ALISSA CAP.5
Welcome to my world.

SFX
KRAKK
SFX
WHOK
SFX
SMAK

Title – BETWEEN A ROCK AND SOME PLACE.
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Old 09-19-2018, 10:31 AM   #15
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cool stuff here. i didn't see this before.
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