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Old 11-06-2017, 02:31 PM   #1
GhostofLincoln
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The C.L.E.A.R. - 1/2 script (pt 1) - looking for feedback

Hey all,

First post here and first comic script I've written. I'd love some feedback from writers/enthusiasts as well as any advice you may offer.

Thanks, and enjoy!

_Ben




The C.L.E.A.R. – ISSUE #1 – THE ONE-EYED MAN IS KING

PAGE 1

PANEL 1

A dimly lit dead-end in a dirty alley. There’s a Dumpster and a garage door with a stack of trash bags leaning against it. A milky substance has leaked from the garbage and formed a puddle in the center of the alley where the drain is clogged with newspaper and cardboard.

PANEL 2

At the mouth of the cul-de-sac stand two men dressed in jeans and black hooded sweatshirts. They have packs on their backs and their heads are covered with black balaclavas. They carry shotguns.

SOLDIER 1

We found the shirt and jacket back there, sir. His shoes were by the corner. Pants and skivvies are here.
SOLDIER 2

Guess he wasn’t wearing socks, sir.

PANEL 3

Save view as Panel 2 but two more men have stepped into the mouth of the alley. One is dressed exactly like the others, but he carries a duffel bag and no shotgun. The fourth man is EYE, his beret sitting jauntily atop a black balaclava.

SOLDIER 1

We were right behind him, sir. He’s gotta be in there.

PANEL 4

EYE steps from the mouth of the alley into the center of the cul-de-sac and stands with his hands on his hips.


PAGE 2

PANEL 1

SPLASH PANEL

The view’s swiveled 180 degrees and we have a full frontal view of EYE. A leering eyeball can be plainly seen peering from one side of his masked face, the other side is in shadow.

EYE
Dust it.

TITLE

C.L.E.A.R - ISSUE 1 - THE ONE-EYED MAN IS KING

PAGE 3

PANEL 1

The man with the duffel bag has set it down and is now in the center of the alley holding what looks almost like a caulk gun. One of the other men is with him and he works the action on his shotgun.

SHOTGUN

CHKk-TCk

PANEL 2

A spray of dark mist is issuing from the strange gun’s nozzle with a hiss.

SPRAYGUN

HISSSSS

PANEL 3

Same view as Panel 2, but soldier is spray mist around the alley. It’s starting to settle on the trash and other junk in a fine black powder.

SPRAYGUN

SSSSSSS

PANEL 4

As the mist reaches the pile of trash bags there’s a sudden explosion of motion.

PANEL 5

The soldier with the sprayer is knocked backward by an unseen man. He’s completely invisible except for a single sagging white sock that had been hidden behind the trash bags. His impact with the spray gun has knocked its jet skyward.

SOLDIER 1

Uhh!

SPRAYGUN

SSSSSS

PANEL 6

As the sprayer man is reeling, the second soldier swings his shotgun butt downward where it connects with the unseen object.

CHOK!!

PAGE 4

PANEL 1

The soldier with the shotgun is on his knees in the alley, holding the gun with both hands and leaning forward on something unseen. Behind him, the man with the sprayer is back on his feet.

SHOTGUN SOLDIER

He’s down. Hit him now.

PANEL 2

The sprayer soldier steps closer and seemingly sprays the ground around the soldier with the shotgun.

SPRAYGUN

SSSSSSS

PANEL 3

ACROSS THE CENTER OF THE PAGE PANEL

The cloud of mist from the sprayer has dissipated and we clearly see that the soldier with the shotgun is holding a man, naked but for one sock, facedown on the ground. The man on the ground is covered in the black powder and a gash can be seen on the back of his head.

PANEL 4

Another solder has entered the alley and is pointing a shotgun at the naked man. The first shotgun solder is now holding the naked man by the hair. We can’t really see the naked man’s face.

SOLDIER 1

Spray him again.

PANEL 5

The sprayer soldier blasts the mist directly in the naked man’s face.

SPRAYGUN

WHiisssss

PANEL 6

A face, blackened by the mist, appears.

SOLDIER 1

Sir, it’s him.

SOLDIER 2

Like there was any doubt.


PAGE 5

PANEL 1

EYE stands over the fallen man, his hands behind his back. Two soldiers with shotguns stand behind him.

EYE

Seavers, Did you think you’d just leave with no goodbye? Maybe thought you’d leave C.L.E.A.R.?


PANEL 2

EYE has turned away and stands facing away from the naked man, hands still clasped behind his back. The man on the ground has pushed himself into a sitting position.

EYE

Did you really think I would let that happen?


PANEL 3

Save view as Panel 2, but fallen man is gesturing desperately.

SEAVERS

Sir. I… I didn’t…”

PANEL 4

SPLASH PANEL

EYE has pivoted on one heel and delivered a savage kick to the man’s face. His leg is fully extended and the naked man has been knocked backward. A spray of blood can be seen from his nose.

EYE

No, you didn’t.

NOSE

CRUNCH!!

PANEL 5

The naked man is facedown holding his face. Blood drips from his hands and pools beneath him. EYE stands above.

EYE

And you won’t again.


PAGE 6

PANEL 1

Same view as previous panel but EYE has reached up and is pulling his beret and balaclava off.

EYE

You see, Seavers…

PANEL 2

Close-up of EYE, minus mask and beret. His single malevolent eye glares from empty space.

EYE

You’re dismissed.

PANEL 3

Same view, the naked man cowering on the ground and the soldiers pointing shotguns, but EYE has turned his back.

EYE

Burn him.

PANEL 4

EYE is walking out of the alley. His hands are in front of his body. Two soldiers cover the naked man with shotguns while another is pouring kerosene onto him from a red fuel container.

SEAVERS

No!

PANEL 5

BIG PANEL

Front view of EYE exiting the alley. He’s lighting a cigar that appears to be stuck into the empty space where his head should be. Behind him, back in the cul-de-sac, there’s a bright burst of light.

SEAVERS

Aaauueehhh!!!!!


PAGE 7

PANEL 1

Street view of school playground

NARRATION

In training, they taught us to refer to it as Stealth Mode.


PANEL 2

Closer to schoolyard fence

NARRATION

No matter what you call it, I can’t help feeling a bit wrong standing naked outside an elementary school playground.

PANEL 3

Up against chainlink fence looking in at schoolyard

NARRATION

Good thing nobody’s going to see me.

PANEL 4

Two girls playing on playground. They look to be about 10.

NARRATION

I’m here to see Mandy. It’s a trip I’ve made a lot in the past two years.


PAGE 8

PANEL 1

A lit window, looking in from outside. A woman can be seen through the window.

NARRATION

I’m not just a perv who looks at little kids either; I’m a Peeping Tom too. I stop by the house and look in at Sarah quite a bit.

PANEL 2

Bedroom interior. A woman’s shirt is floating in the air as if pressed to an invisible face.

NARRATION

I’ve even B&E’d a few times when I knew she wasn’t there. Just to smell her scent.

PANEL 3

Back outside the window looking in.

NARRATION

These visits, they’re my way of staying sane, my way to look in at normal life. Even if they never see me, I stop and say hello.

PANEL 4

Further back from the window. It’s on the second floor and a tree limb is positioned in front of it.

NARRATION

This time’s the same as always. Except this time I’m saying goodbye.


PAGE 9

PANEL 1

Two military men, a colonel and a general, are in an office with framed photos and certificates on the walls. A US flag is in the corner. The general is behind an impressive desk, while the colonel sits in a visitor chair nearby.

NARRATIVE

Fort Craft, Depot 14
Poughkeepsie, NY
14:25 hours

COLONEL FRENCH

I don’t believe he’ll take this very well.

GENERAL BARENTS

He’ll be fine.

PANEL 2

Save view. COL. FRENCH appears nervous.

COLONEL FRENCH

He’s a very strong ego-driven personality. You’ll recall I said that during testing before the procedure, General.

GENERAL BARENTS

It’ll be okay, Colonel. I push a button and this office will be flooded with MPs.

PANEL 3

Close on COL. FRENCH. He’s gesturing, obviously trying to persuade the general.

COLONEL FRENCH

The glass eye, for instance. A man who’d conceal an infirmity with an almost psychic precision when he knew it’d be revealed shortly…

PANEL 4

Back to view of two men.

COLNONEL FRENCH

If you’re telling him something he doesn’t want to hear, he may become violent. I’ll remind you that this is a man who could kill both of us with his bare hands before the first MP makes it through the door.

GENERAL BARENTS

We’ll be fine, Colonel. You’ll see.

PANEL 5

GENERAL BARENTS leans forward and pushes the button on the intercom on his desk.

GENERAL BARENTS

Major, send him in.


PAGE 10

PANEL 1

A soldier in office uniform sits at a desk in front of a door. On the door is a nameplate reading Brig. Gen. M. Barents. Sitting on a bench to the side of the desk, we can see the legs of someone waiting for an appointment.

SOLDIER

The General will see you now, Colonel.

PANEL 2

EYE, in dress uniform and wearing an eye patch, stands and opens the door behind the desk. As we get a good look at him, the soldier at the desk realizes what he’s just said.

SOLDIER

Oh! Errr… I mean… You can go in.

EYE

Idiot.

PANEL 3

GENERAL BARENTS stands up from behind a desk several grades nicer than his receptionist’s. He’s leaning across the desk shaking EYE’s invisible hand. COL. FRENCH remains seated at an angle behind the desk.

EYE

You asked me to come by, General? Ah, and Colonel French. Am I due for another head-shrinking?


GENERAL BARENTS

Colonel Eye. Have a seat. Cigar? They’re Cubans. Rank has its privileges, you know.

EYE

Certainly, sir. Thank you.

PANEL 4

Reverse view across GENERAL BARENTS’S desk. EYE is sitting back in a chair smoking a cigar.

GENERAL BARENTS

Ha! Every time I see that I wonder where the smoke goes.

PANEL 5

Same view. EYE is blowing smoke that appears from thin air.

EYE

All the right places, General, I assure you.


PAGE 11

PANEL 1

FLASHBACK: Memory-tinted close-up (maybe gloved fingers holding an old snapshot?) of two military people’s torsos (they’re not invisible at this point), seated on adjacent beds in a barracks, playing cards.

NARRATION

I knew Seavers back in Basic, before our Treatment. I didn’t hold it against him when he stayed with Eye. He must have had his reasons. But I was disappointed.

PANEL 2

Looking down from behind invisible man at desk. He’s filling a sheet of paper with code. A manilla envelope sits nearby.

NARRATION

When he made contact and started leaking intel on C.L.E.A.R., I knew I’d judged him right.

PANEL 3

Several invisible men in an informal work room. There’s a map on the wall with pins in it, papers tacked up, coffee cups. The men are studying the intelligence they’ve gathered.

NARRATION

They don’t know how much Seaver leaked before they got to him. He gave us a lot. Names.
Passwords. Safe houses.

PANEL 4

Gloved hands holding a sheet of paper they’ve just pulled out of a manilla envelope. Another
paper filled with code can be seen sticking from the envelope.

HANDWRITTEN WORDS SCRAWLED ON PAPER

I’m out.

NARRATION

I couldn’t blame him when he decided to run. We hated to lose the resource but we did everything we could to help him.

PANEL 5 - SPLASH

Rats approaching the blackened and smoking corpse, the face twisted in a rictus (a fuckin’ rictus, bitch) of pain, in the alley.

NARRATION

It wasn’t enough. They torched him so his body would be visible. That way the cops would find it and we’d be sure to know he’s dead. Just one more I owe to Eye.


PAGE 12

PANEL 1

GENERAL BARENTS is behind his desk, cigar in an ashtray as he leans forward on his elbows. COL. FRENCH sits quietly behind him with his hands steepled on his knee.

GENERAL BARENTS

Colonel Eye, I called you here to let you know how much I personally appreciate the work of you and your platoon.

PANEL 2

Interior of an Islamic militant’s bomb-making factory. A Middle Eastern-looking man is bent over a table building a bomb. Other men can be seen in the background

GENERAL BARENTS

I know you were in situations that demanded the utmost courage and endurance.

PANEL 3

Same interior. The man at the table’s head is jerked back by an unseen force. The men in the background are in similar distress.

NECK

Krekk!

GENERAL BARENTS

And that you and any number of the men you command are worthy of a Congressional Medal of Honor for your heroism and service to this country.

PANEL 4

GENERAL BARENTS behind his desk, closer view than last time. He looks earnest.

GENERAL BARENTS

But you and I both know that will never happen.

PANEL 5

COL. FRENCH is sitting in his chair, legs crossed and hands folded on his knee. He looks peevish and weasely.

COLONEL FRENCH

By your very nature, you’re a secret now, Colonel. It would be catastrophic should the Army behind the walls of Depot 14, let alone the public, ever learn of your existence. You’d be seen as monsters.

PANEL 6

EYE is standing. The hand holding his cigar bent and his eye gleams as the smoke drifts across his face.

EYE

Monsters, Colonel?


PAGE 13

PANEL 1

GENERAL BARENTS is leaning back in his chair now.

GENERAL BARENTS

He means they wouldn’t understand, Colonel. And that’s why you and your platoon will be confined to base for the time being. I hate to have to say it, but we can’t have any leaks. Take some downtime. Do you understand, Colonel Eye?

PANEL 2

EYE is standing facing GENERAL BARENTS and snapping a salute. BARENTS has risen as well.

EYE

I understand completely, General. And I’ll make sure my men understand, sir.

PANEL 3

COL. FRENCH is leaning around GENERAL BARENTS.

COLONEL FRENCH

In the meantime, we’ll have top scientists working on reversing the process. Top scientists.

PANEL 4

In the foreground we see EYE’s cigar crushed in a glass ashtray on desk. EYE’s eye stares out from behind the rising smoke.

EYE

I’m certain you will, Colonel French. Thanks for the cigar, General.

PANEL 5

GENERAL BARENTS and COL. FRENCH are seated again. They both look stressed. In the background, the door shuts.

DOOR

Chk.

GENERAL BARENTS

I suppose that went as well as it could.

COLONEL FRENCH

No mention of his AWOL platoon mates. Did you notice?

GENERAL BARENTS

I noticed.

PANEL 6

GENERAL BARENTS is pouring drinks.

COLONEL FRENCH

That man worries me, sir.

GENERAL BARENTS

You worry too much, Colonel.


(CONTINUED IN PT II)
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Old 11-07-2017, 11:58 PM   #2
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