Go Back   Digital Webbing Forums > Talent Engine > Writer Showcase

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-01-2018, 11:27 AM   #1
Kajinink79
Registered User
 
Kajinink79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Ca
Posts: 48
Kajinink79 is on a distinguished road

Batman vs. The Joker ( one page )

Hi, I wrote this many years ago and today I made some slight changes to it because I like this short story and want to draw it in the future. I encourage any feedback and any attempt for artists to draw this one pager. Thanks for your time and enjoy. All the best,
Kajinink79

Page One:
http://i64.tinypic.com/o9n4o2.png

Page One (continued):
http://i66.tinypic.com/xpx2lz.png

Ps: a correction that was overlooked is on PANEL SIX. When I wrote “...is now operating his batarang device”... I simply meant his Batman Belt.
__________________
Showcased art & writing:

Http://kajinink.deviantart.com
Kajinink79 is offline   Reply With Quote
Connect With Facebook to "Like" This Thread

Old 07-03-2018, 11:31 PM   #2
Proter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 66
Proter is on a distinguished road

There's no establishing shot to show where we are. That can be tough to pull off.

Your next panel may have been better of being your first. Showing the Batman in the foreground and the Joker in a window in the background.

I think you should describe a picture and not describe action. These are images that need to be drawn. I think some of your panels will be really hard to draw. Something that might help even if you're not an artist it to try and thumbnail the panels yourself. If you can't see a way to do it then maybe you need to modify your panel descriptions.

There's no story here. I know it's just a couple of pages but maybe you should have a complete story.

I just want to mention that I'm not a professional artist or writer, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I do try to provide constructive feedback.

Take care!
Proter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2018, 06:33 PM   #3
Scribbly
Registered User
 
Scribbly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Wicked Salem, MA
Posts: 4,930
Scribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud of

This short script is OK. No problem to get it drawn. But it has no meaning.
What is the use to draw a story without meaning?
__________________
Style is an intentional restriction.
Scribbly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2018, 09:19 AM   #4
Scribbly
Registered User
 
Scribbly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Wicked Salem, MA
Posts: 4,930
Scribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud ofScribbly has much to be proud of

Actually, after a new review of the script, I can see these pages as the ending or beginning for some story.
Well, now what we need is the story that will justify the making of these pages.
What happened between the Joker and Batman this time? What the Joker did?
Or what is he going to do to badly piss off Batman? You fill in the blanks.
__________________
Style is an intentional restriction.
Scribbly is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:16 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1997-2015 Digital Webbing, LLC