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Old 08-24-2017, 05:25 PM   #1
Orlan29
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Third repost again and see the pencilled Avengers pages

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Images again to be seen for critiques Sorry for the delay! and Thank you!

Orlando
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:21 PM   #2
12013
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so I don't mind at all your cartoony drawing style. its fun. I like it.

the storytelling tho...

as I looked at page 1... I seriously cant really tell whats going on.
I have no idea whats in panel 1.
panel 2.. guys talking.. got it.
panels 3-5...someones hands touching doing something..
panel 6..big shot of who now, doing what? related to the previous panels how?
none of it made any sense to me without any other context or pages leading up to it to set any of it up.

page 2
just seems like a bunch of various unconnected images put on a page. again, without context, I have no idea whats going on.
and on this page, starting with the last panel, you commit what to ME, is a serious mistake and it just gets worse with every passing page. you start doing strange weird goofy panel design that does nothing to help you in any way. that little bump up on the last panel has no purpose.

page 3
splash of squirrel girl I guess and whoever the kitty lady is... okay. fighting what looks like some version of whatever the guys on the last panel of page 1 were...
okay..kinda getting it.
the weird panel thing going on at the bottom just hurts everything. it doesn't help in any way. again, in MY opinion.

page 4
more of the whatever creatures, and other characters that I don't know who they are in relation to the previous pages(like panel 2)..and just..unclear stuff going on. I really cant follow the story really.

page 5
again...more characters that I don't know why they are in these pages of what relation they have to the overall story. and more of that totally unneeded and distracting panel design. gah.

so I guess what my overall thought would be, is that if these are pages designed to help you learn the craft of comic book sequential story telling, maybe to be used as samples to show editors somehow or to get work somewhere, in terms of telling a clear and effective story (which should be goal #1 of any comic artist), they fail in just about every way possible, from what I can see.
is this a story you wrote yourself? or is this done from a script you found from a professional writer? If so, I would suggest finding a script that isn't so confusing, and try a more basic approach before moving into "artsy design-y" stuff.
just my thoughts on what I see here. I am interested in seeing more from you though.

rob
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Old 08-24-2017, 10:28 PM   #3
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About the Avengers sample pages

Yeah these pencilled samples I did are from a Marvel published sample script "Avengers issue#2
2015 "Meet the Maker" pages 1 through 5

Orlando Baez
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Old 08-24-2017, 10:29 PM   #4
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Thanks for the critique!

I will be gladly post more stuff here to show

Orlando
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:07 AM   #5
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The original art for that issue by Sandoval was a mess, too...

Here:
https://news.marvel.com/comics/25205..._new_avengers/



First off, one of my least favorite Avengers titles, even though it happens to star a few characters that I'm fond of, like Songbird and White Tiger.

One thing I'm wondering is do you have the actual script of the issue that you're working off of, or are you taking a guess from the comic and going from there? It's difficult to judge how good you are because you seem to have followed Sandoval's panel layout quite closely (and that is decidedly not a good thing), which is a part of why it looks so messy.

I'd love to see your work on something that fits your cartoony style better, and with a more conventional panel layout.
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:50 AM   #6
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About the Avengers script

SStiger:

I do have the avenger five page script sent to me by the marvel talent recruiter and also have another script of Spidey Gwen five pages for test pages.

And thank you for the critique! I will post more and work on weaknesses I do admit it's a more cartoony style but I will post more test samples to show here
And also I need to work on the rule of thirds.

Thank you for the compliments! Much appreciated to learn

Orlando
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Old 08-25-2017, 05:32 PM   #7
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I find myself agreeing with 12013 quite a bit in regards to the storytelling here, and as SSTiger alluded to it often seems like the scripts that are given to test new talent are intentionally weak (I read through what DC was providing for their talent retreat test and those scripts where also pretty weak). I get that they are probably attempting to test your talent with difficult material but it may behoove them to to provide something with more strait forward storytelling, in order to test an artists ability with the skill. That being said, as an artist the only thing you can do is make it work to prove that you can handle anything they throw at you (even a lousy script)

As far as the actual drawing technique goes I have a couple of issues that I think would greatly improve your pages.
1: consistency of the figures, things like the hands get bigger and smaller outside the realm of normal perspective (ex the hands on the bottom of page 2 are far too big beyond selling the foreshortening, and on the bottom of the last page they are too small)
2: you have the tendency to crunch your figures up, keeping the arms and legs close in to the body in many panels. This tends to make the figures look stiff and less exciting than they could (also in diminishes the ability for the figures to tell the story). Try to spree them out a bit creating interesting silhouettes and negative space, remember its best if someone can tell whats going on in the panel and who each character is simply by looking at a silhouetted version of the characters (you do this in some places but pay attention to this).

overall you're getting somewhere with this, and its commendable that you're tackling what look to be very challenging storytelling pages, keep working on stuff like these and you will absolutely have something!
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Old 08-25-2017, 05:54 PM   #8
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Thank you too noah for the critique! Ill keep working and show some more other marvel scripts here like Moonknight,and Punisher, Gwen Stacey
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Old 08-25-2017, 06:57 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orlan29 View Post
SStiger:

I do have the avenger five page script sent to me by the marvel talent recruiter
Sorry to derail the thread, but who is this "Marvel talent recruiter" and how did you get in touch with them? My understanding and experience is that the company itself absolutely refuses unsolicited submissions.
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Old 08-25-2017, 07:52 PM   #10
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About the recruiter

The talent recruiter is Rickey Purdin and you can send pencil art submissions through the email and don't have to present at the comic convention to show your portfolio as stated by cb cebulski on twitter


Orlando Baez
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Old 08-25-2017, 07:59 PM   #11
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The email is:

rpurdin@marvel.com

Try out samples be encouraged to do it and good luck! Send your ink sample pages as well
You never know till you try your damn best and continue that

Orlando Baez
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Old 08-25-2017, 08:39 PM   #12
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Thank you very much.
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Old 09-06-2017, 03:43 PM   #13
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Very dynamic and fun! Well done. Only thing I'd say is the last 2 panels on page 2 feel confined to the panels and not apart of something bigger, like the marvel example you showed.
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Old 09-06-2017, 07:20 PM   #14
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Thank You! Kevin Yeah I can see the inbalance at the last two panels will have rework that

Orlando
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