Batman vs. The Joker ( one page )

Kajinink79 · 06-01-2018, 11:27 AM

Hi, I wrote this many years ago and today I made some slight changes to it because I like this short story and want to draw it in the future. I encourage any feedback and any attempt for artists to draw this one pager. Thanks for your time and enjoy. All the best,
Kajinink79

Page One:
http://i64.tinypic.com/o9n4o2.png

Page One (continued):
http://i66.tinypic.com/xpx2lz.png

Ps: a correction that was overlooked is on PANEL SIX. When I wrote “...is now operating his batarang device”... I simply meant his Batman Belt.

Proter · 07-03-2018, 11:31 PM

There's no establishing shot to show where we are. That can be tough to pull off.

Your next panel may have been better of being your first. Showing the Batman in the foreground and the Joker in a window in the background.

I think you should describe a picture and not describe action. These are images that need to be drawn. I think some of your panels will be really hard to draw. Something that might help even if you're not an artist it to try and thumbnail the panels yourself. If you can't see a way to do it then maybe you need to modify your panel descriptions.

There's no story here. I know it's just a couple of pages but maybe you should have a complete story.

I just want to mention that I'm not a professional artist or writer, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I do try to provide constructive feedback.

Take care!

Scribbly · 07-04-2018, 06:33 PM

This short script is OK. No problem to get it drawn. But it has no meaning.
What is the use to draw a story without meaning?

Scribbly · 07-06-2018, 09:19 AM

Actually, after a new review of the script, I can see these pages as the ending or beginning for some story.
Well, now what we need is the story that will justify the making of these pages.
What happened between the Joker and Batman this time? What the Joker did?
Or what is he going to do to badly piss off Batman? You fill in the blanks.

Kajinink79 · 08-11-2018, 10:30 PM

@proter and scribbly I can see this (one pager) needs to be stretched out a long ways to tell a good story. I can see that now. With the comments I got and looking over the one pager I can obviously tell a lot more is needed.

To set an establishing scene. Better descriptions. More story. Those were some key points I remember and I appreciate the good faith guys.

Even tho I do not write much (one pager), so much more under this forum could be interesting as there is really not much.

Kajinink79

06-01-2018, 11:27 AM	#1
Kajinink79 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Ca Posts: 49	Batman vs. The Joker ( one page ) Hi, I wrote this many years ago and today I made some slight changes to it because I like this short story and want to draw it in the future. I encourage any feedback and any attempt for artists to draw this one pager. Thanks for your time and enjoy. All the best, Kajinink79 Page One: http://i64.tinypic.com/o9n4o2.png Page One (continued): http://i66.tinypic.com/xpx2lz.png Ps: a correction that was overlooked is on PANEL SIX. When I wrote “...is now operating his batarang device”... I simply meant his Batman Belt. __________________ Showcased art & writing: Http://kajinink.deviantart.com

07-04-2018, 06:33 PM	#3
Scribbly Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Wicked Salem, MA Posts: 4,935	This short script is OK. No problem to get it drawn. But it has no meaning. What is the use to draw a story without meaning? __________________ Art style is an intentional restriction.

07-06-2018, 09:19 AM	#4
Scribbly Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Wicked Salem, MA Posts: 4,935	Actually, after a new review of the script, I can see these pages as the ending or beginning for some story. Well, now what we need is the story that will justify the making of these pages. What happened between the Joker and Batman this time? What the Joker did? Or what is he going to do to badly piss off Batman? You fill in the blanks. __________________ Art style is an intentional restriction.

08-11-2018, 10:30 PM	#5
Kajinink79 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Ca Posts: 49	@proter and scribbly I can see this (one pager) needs to be stretched out a long ways to tell a good story. I can see that now. With the comments I got and looking over the one pager I can obviously tell a lot more is needed. To set an establishing scene. Better descriptions. More story. Those were some key points I remember and I appreciate the good faith guys. Even tho I do not write much (one pager), so much more under this forum could be interesting as there is really not much. Kajinink79 __________________ Showcased art & writing: Http://kajinink.deviantart.com

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07-03-2018, 11:31 PM	#2
Proter Registered User Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 66	There's no establishing shot to show where we are. That can be tough to pull off. Your next panel may have been better of being your first. Showing the Batman in the foreground and the Joker in a window in the background. I think you should describe a picture and not describe action. These are images that need to be drawn. I think some of your panels will be really hard to draw. Something that might help even if you're not an artist it to try and thumbnail the panels yourself. If you can't see a way to do it then maybe you need to modify your panel descriptions. There's no story here. I know it's just a couple of pages but maybe you should have a complete story. I just want to mention that I'm not a professional artist or writer, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I do try to provide constructive feedback. Take care!