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View Full Version : The Remarkable - my comic book/manga project


mad pigeon
08-20-2014, 06:11 PM
I'm 16 year-old wannabe comic book writer and artist. I started to work on my first (big) project, comic book/manga hybrid named "The Remarkable", which is dropping online this September. FB page is coming out soon, and here is a sneak-peek of what is coming. Page 16 from chapter one.
Plot summary:
"The Remarkable" is the story about Jarilo, a teenager from the race of Jarovits, people from the woods who can possess great power that comes from the spirit of the nature Rod. Jarilo, somewhat hot-headed, has that power and wants to become the watcher of his village Jelovo one day, but the unexpectable turn of events will push him to his limits as he becomes an outlaw.
As I'm Slavic myself, all the names of the characters are of that origin. Also, sorry for bad grammar, and yeah, tell me what do you think!

http://i.imgur.com/R8QyrVg.jpg

Sorry for the high resolution of the photo.

Charles
08-20-2014, 08:48 PM
There's a lot about this page of sequentials that I don't like.

BUT.....something about it is right, as my eye was drawn to it, as soon as the page loaded. Something about the style of it. It's hard to lay my finger on. Maybe it's the manga influence, but I really don't bother looking at manga very much, so I'm not sure that that is it.

As I just sit and stare at it, and scroll it up and down, I think that it's a combination of a couple of things, actually.

Your characters have a sort of intensity to them. The anatomy of the characters, itself, certainly isn't advanced. Also, the large lettering is a visual plus - that said, it's because it makes things legible and inviting to actually read, which a lot of lettering that I encounter doesn't.

I like the shape of the speech bubble where the one guy says, "BUT HE WAS PROVOKING." There should be a comma after "but," though.

The lettering and the speech bubbles are strangers. By that, I mean that whomever did the lettering and the bubbles hasn't developed their ability to make them a good fit for one another. Also, you're packing too much text into the bubbles, in most instances.

The lettering on the letter on panel one makes me strain to read it - so, I don't bother. That's one way to lose a reader's interest.

Your character art could use a lot of work. But, again, there's something about your art style that I am attracted to.

As far as the environment in which your characters are depicted, this page of sequentials is an exercise in minimalism. Not impressive, at all, where that aspect is concerned. You're an artist - don't be afraid of details.

You're willing to break through a panel, as evidenced by that speech bubble in panel three, but it's a squandered attempt. The centering of the text in that bubble denotes flat out laziness. That bubble denotes a keen lack of appreciation for the shape and size of the bubble, relative to the text that you are showcasing inside of it. Compare your speech bubbles and text placement within the bubbles to this recent example that someone else posted:

http://digitalwebbing.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1832913&postcount=1

Your approach in this set of examples that you posted in this thread demonstrate inefficient use of space, as it relates to your speech bubbles. It detracts from the work, as any deficiency tends to do.

The legs on the table don't seem quite right. Someone else needs to weigh in on this, though.

As I kept looking at this set of sequentials, another thing about it that I noticed was that your use of thick eyebrows in conjunction with very small pupils adds is a contributing factor to the intensity of your art style on display on this page.

Your age is irrelevant. You need a lot of practice, yet - but, I'm saying that based upon only seeing a single page of your art, so take it with a grain of salt. Because I can actually read your lettering, without straining my eyes, makes it more likely that I would read one of your comic books, compared to many other artists who display work here in this forum.

Comic books are a visual medium - but, comic books are read. Make them easy to read, and you improve your chances that someone will actually do so.

Presenting your lettering in an hourglass shape, as in that speech bubble in panel three, makes it less likely that people will read your comic books.

In a nutshell, where comic books are concerned, attention to detail matters. Why? Because, it is a component of quality.

Charles
08-20-2014, 08:53 PM
Oh, and quit referring to yourself as a wannabe.

You're either an artist or you're not. If you want your art to be taken seriously, then you be the very first to take it seriously.

crognus
08-20-2014, 09:14 PM
If you are serious about being an artist, I would spend more time practicing anatomy and perspective before getting into sequential work. Since you're wanting to draw Manga (and by the look of your characters you probably watch some Dragon Ball Z) this (http://www.amazon.com/How-Draw-Manga-Volume-Perspective/product-reviews/4766112563/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_four?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addFourStar&showViewpoints=0) a decent book on perspective in manga. There's a crap ton of books out there on drawing manga characters too. You have a long road ahead of you if you want to be an artist, and there's a lot of building blocks you're skipping past.

In the meantime, you should read a bunch about how comics work in general too. I would read Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics (http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Comics-Invisible-Scott-McCloud/dp/006097625X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408583604&sr=1-1&keywords=understanding+comics+scott+mccloud).

mad pigeon
08-21-2014, 07:27 AM
Thanks for all the advices guys!

It's funny though, almost everyone is praising my style, which was the last thing I thought people would like. I've uploaded all of the pages on the biggest comic book forum in my part of the Europe, and no one was complaining about the anatomy, but that doesn't mean I did that right.
So yeah, let's see...

The anatomy of the characters, itself, certainly isn't advanced.

Yeah, I agree. I need to work on the anatomy. It's interesting that on first page i get the anatomy of the character solid, but on the second page I screw it up.

Also, Charles, about the lettering... It's awful. Terrible. I did all of it and I did it wrong, i guess I'll put some work into it before I put the first chapter online.

As far as the environment in which your characters are depicted, this page of sequentials is an exercise in minimalism. Not impressive, at all, where that aspect is concerned. You're an artist - don't be afraid of details.


I think, personally, that my biggest problem is neither a perspective or anatomy, but drawing of the environment. I need some stuff and tricks that can help me about it.

If you are serious about being an artist, I would spend more time practicing anatomy and perspective before getting into sequential work. Since you're wanting to draw Manga (and by the look of your characters you probably watch some Dragon Ball Z) this a decent book on perspective in manga. There's a crap ton of books out there on drawing manga characters too. You have a long road ahead of you if you want to be an artist, and there's a lot of building blocks you're skipping past.

In the meantime, you should read a bunch about how comics work in general too. I would read Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics.


You are right, DBZ is my all-time favorite anime, and DB my favorite manga alongside The Blade of the Immortal. Thanks for the link on the book!

Btw. I've read Scott McCloud's book already! :)