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-   -   TPG Week 144: Words On Paper (http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums/showthread.php?t=168276)

Steven Forbes 09-27-2013 01:42 PM

TPG Week 144: Words On Paper
 
Welcome, one and all, to another installment of The Proving Grounds! This week, we have a new Brave One in Sarah Kaplan. We've got Steve Colle dressed smartly in blue, and I'm ever-menacing in red, and we both see what Sarah does with



Blood, Bone, & Startlight

(Note: there were some page layout images at the top of each page that Sarah provided. They didn't survive the transfer process of this column.)

Exos = nasty aliens that come in a variety of shapes and sizes. I would discuss that with an artist in the planning stages. (Are they an alien race like MARVELís Skrulls or are they a group or organization of mixed races, like a military or mercenary group?This needs to be clarified, because if theyíre the same race, they shouldnít look that different beyond subtle changes like having wings and not having wings.)



Page One (splash)



Sarah, Iím going to italicize all of the areas that divert my attention from the panel description on this page and bold what I see as actual cinematic direction. Hopefully, this will show you just how confusing the writing is and will guide you to better isolate the important components in conveying information to your artist.



Splash. An Exo slams Kara Morgan(eighteen years old in this prologue, hair buzzcut, wearing sleep t shirt and shorts)against a wall with one arm on her chest and one on her hands, which it holds over her head.(Having the character description injected into this sentence, bracketed or not, intrudes upon the flow of the information. It should be separate.) The Exo is roaring at Kara, spittle flying from its mouth. Her head and legs are to the left of the rest of her body due to the sudden force of the push.(This last sentence is confusing the way itís written. Also, just how important is this positioning?)

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