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Liam I do appreciate the effort you put into these pages.
It's a bit difficult to go in depth with what you should consider, for your future work.
All I can say is, your storytelling is basic. But it can be more economical. Meaning, have panels that are needed, to tell the story. Try not to be superfluous, UNLESS that is your intent.
Try to identify, what is VITAL in your drawings, meaning, if you over render things, it will may soften the strength of the clarity in your storytelling.
Anatomy, and perspective, can be improved over time.
You have the energy to draw, which is great. But now, I would focus on clarity of storytelling, and not trying to IMPRESS editors.
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