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Old 06-14-2014, 02:13 AM   #1
Steven Forbes
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TPG Week 181: Searching For A Signal


Hello, one and all, and welcome back to The Proving Grounds! This week, our Brave One is someone who's no stranger here: Sam Roads. I'm alone again this week, so it's only me and Mr. Roads. Let's see how he does with



Requiem



Before I get started, this script was in 11 pitch. You know how happy this makes me? Yeah. If I were getting this as an editor at a publisher, I'd be putting it in the trah, pissed off that I took the time to open it. Twelve pitch, ladies and gentlemen. And if you don't know what I mean, you're on the internet. Learn.

PAGE ONE. (Five Panels) GRAMPS is a middle-aged south asian man, thinning black hair, big black moustache, dressed in threadbare modern-day jacket and trousers. YOUNG MAMA is a six-year old south asian girl in a ragged patterned dress.(Okay, I don't know whether or not to be a fan of this as yet. The reason being is that I don't know if these are recurring characters or not. Wait. I lied. I don't like it here. If they're recurring characters, then it should be in a different document, or maybe at the start of it, separate from everything else. If they're one off's, then this should be in the panel descriptions.)

1.) Wide. Day. A zombie-apocalypse large London urban square, houses ringing a central park of grass. Abandoned cars, rubbish-strewn, distant smoke rising over a city in statis. A horde of zombies chase YOUNG MAMA and GRAMPS. She looks back, frightened, he drags her firmly by the hand, looking forward resolutely. (Sam, I'm not a happy camper. First, how is the reader to know this is London? I'm currently watching a bad movie (Broken Skull/Skullcrusher), and while it's an urban setting, there's nothing really to give it a feel as to which city this is in. It could be anywhere. Second, where's the camera? Would it be better to hide what they're running from until the next page? Maybe. Depends on how the story runs. Third, how many zombies are we talking about? Fourth, what's the distance between the zombies and the live ones?)

Mama (caption)

“OK, sweetie. If you sit nicely, Mama will tell you a lovely story, and then we can get back to it.”

Click here to read more.
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