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Old 06-14-2014, 12:59 PM   #3
Also known as Felix
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cardiff, UK
Posts: 308
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Hi Steven,

Thanks a metric tonne for doing this proving ground. I really appreciate your energy, effort and skill. It is so cool!

I wrote this specifically to try out some ways of doing things, and to see what would happen if I then submitted it. I thought it would be a lot more interesting than just submitting my usual style.

The thought here was to attempt a story without dialogue. I loves me my dialogue and in an ideal world would have nothing but talking heads, so this was an exercise in 'doing it wrong'.

* How does the reader know it's London? They don't, and it doesn't matter that it is London, but it seems like a convenient shorthand to name the city, rather than say 'a European centuries old capital city'. What's a better way to handle that sort of thing?

* Sorry about the 11 point font. Careless of me.

* Regarding the 'accident' - I could draw you a hand on a piano which is there by accident, and a hand on a piano which is shaping to play a chord. They don't look at all the same. However, I failed to convey that to you in words, so it's my bad.

* Regarding the '?' sound effect. What would you call it when a character is drawn with a ? over their heads. Is it not a SFX, in effect?

* Some of the choices with silhouettes were based on attempting to draw the reader to look at what matters in the panel, not get distracted by zombie heads. Is that viable?

* The Music SFX are based on the note density of the pieces picked. You'd not recognise the pieces themselves, but a reader would be clear that the level of performance would have to have improved to cope with the more complex musical notation.

I would like to assure you that your criticisms are based not on my being lazy, but on my being inexperienced! I would hate to think that you didn't realise how much I respect TPG, and I try to only submit the best work I can achieve.

Once again, many thanks for editing this, and for all the TPGs to come!
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