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Old 03-05-2016, 09:05 PM   #2
Rob Norton
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so there are some nice things going on and some not quite so nice thing.

starting with page 1.
ive mentioned this to several artists..(and please remember that i am aware that i myself am not a pro of any type so take my advice as such(

first off..why the strange panel layouts? WHY is panel 2 juuuust barely overlapping onto panel 1? what does that serve? what does that help with the story telling in ANY way?

same thing with panel 4. why is that TINY ass little panel offset like that? interesting and different panel design/layout is cool when you get it right. Whilce Portacio is a fav of mine that does it really well. but im seeing stuff that is there for no other reason that you might think it makes them look interesting, but in my opinion, just looks really weird and wrong.

in panel 1, in that middle building, thats some weird random window placment.

in panel 2, again, those window on the left...they dont even line up. the closer one is sitting lower than the farther away one. i would also suggest never drawing building in the far distance as those "etch-a-sketch" like shapes. add detail.
the height of the hand holding the gun vs the height of the gal in the background looks off. guy holding gun looks like hes sitting to high.

panel 3 is ok, tho hands on the gun have changed. i would suggest SOME backgrounds to link it with the scene. to much dead space i think with the size of the figure.

panel 4. again, why such a tiny little panel? why limit yourself? just opinion here.

panel 5. not bad. BUT for a second i got totally lost in the image where spidermans knee/leg disappear behind the guys foot. I think the biggest problem is how you completely faked the detail on the shoe. and thats probably the easiest thing in the world to reference. there is probably a shoe sitting right on the floor behind your drawing table you coyuld pick up and look at. but this looks totally fake and its killing the image. Spidey looks mostly good, but that fake shoe right up front just kills it for me.

looking better i think.
panel 1. details are okay. though a pro comic artist might call you out for the fakery on the details (i do this all the time to..just adding elements that we think are in "alleys"..) it kinda works. Spidey looks mostly okay but there is really something weird going on in his lower abs/crotch area. a weird bulge. i highly suggest a correction there.

again, a strange panel layout page, BUT this time it seems to work better and flow better. i dont know if its needed but its not a fraction as intrustive (IMO) as page 1.
and look. places where you referenced. that gun looks pretty damn good. im guessign you referenced it. so you know to do that. so do the damn shoe!

not a bad panel 1. the placement of the bad guys head and spideys body border on "bad tengent". good inks/finishes might help separate them well.
panel 2 is fine

panel 3 stands out as really bad cause it in no way looks like the same setting we have seen the characters in. wheres all the trash and shadows? wheres the lady? shes gone suddenly? it just doesnt fit. looks like entirely different scene.

panels 4 and 5 seem fine


not bad. the spidey close to use is okay. his right hand looks nice. (referenced im guessing. SHOE!!!)
that lower leg/stump/whatever looks odd. id suggest a redraw for clarification.

2099 spidey is okay. some proportion issues. big problem here i think is that it doesnt really look like he actually hit him. he just look slike hes swinging by. no point of contact really. hes just there. and some background might help again.

all in all, not bad for sure. just some things to pay attention to .

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