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Old 01-25-2014, 05:57 AM   #2
Alyssa
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Aussieland
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My impression is that John Heidt is young- these are all the same mistakes I've seen in novels written by 12-14 year olds.
Being young is totally okay, by the way (by the time he's of working age, he may just be the industry's next great writer), just offering a possible explanation of his frequent attacks on Steven's sanity. ;D

I like the lightness in Kade's character. He does remind me of Flynn Rider, but I think that's a good thing. Everything else about this script needs a lot of work though, as Steven and Sam pointed out.

The thing I did notice, which I don't think was mentioned, was how utterly out of place the characters and scenarios seem in their environment.
Medieval fantasy. Nope, didn't see that. Certainly not in the dialogue ("CUZ I HAVE TOTALLY NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE…"). Jackets, backpacks, betting booths, bathing houses...I've never studied medieval times, but I'm having a hard time picturing these things in a world of castles, poor hygiene, and poverty. If the panel descriptions did a better job of describing the environment and its inhabitants, perhaps this wouldn't be a problem. Suspension of disbelief, all that.
Or maybe I just need to brush up on medieval stuff (which is a possibility).

Thanks Steve and Sam for taking the time to do the Proving Grounds. I read every post- there's something to learn in every one.
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