Thread: Nahga 2237 A.D
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Old 08-03-2017, 06:56 PM   #12
gmartyt
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Quote:
If I may bottom-line this: It's true that you as the reader will have no idea what's going on at the first panel (intentionally so) but does that remain the case even after the whole eight pages? I would be concerned if, at the end of Page #8, it still leaves confusion bad enough that you can't follow what happened, don't feel curious about what will happen next, and turns you off so much you wouldn't be interested in reading further. Is that the case?
Right now I think your biggest problem is that you spend too much time with the lions. About half the script, in fact. It's not that it's bad or anything like that, it just isn't giving your audience the information that you want to give them. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the main point of this scene is to show that Nahga has stolen the amulet. Try to focus on that more.
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