|
First and foremost, hi and welcome!
Ok so I just read this again (I read it when you first posted it and needed a refresher.) and it reminds me a little of the opening sequence of Joss Whedon's Fray. I think you accomplish your goal of characterization and world building. I personally like the cinematic opening page but on the bright side if you're condensing this down it could easily be combined with another page or cut entirely. I can't really think of anything else. Hope you'll let us have a look at the next draft.
|