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I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the main point of this scene is to show that Nahga has stolen the amulet. Try to focus on that more.
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True and sure.
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reminds me a little of the opening sequence of Joss Whedon's Fray.
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I haven't read Fray; I read Season Eight and I liked Fray in her appearance, but that was around the time Season Eight start its slow creeping descend into crap, so it kinda turned me off the Buffyverse comics (especially because
After The Fall was really cool, and S8 ruined that with the ending) and I haven't gone back.
I'll take a look, but reminds you how? In a good way or a bad way?
P.S: Yes, I was actually thinking of putting the revised draft up (soon as it's done). Any forum rule about if it should be done in the same thread or start a new one?