Thread: XMEN samples
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Old 08-28-2016, 08:52 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Allentown, Pennsylvania
Posts: 225
DarkHalf05 has a spectacular aura aboutDarkHalf05 has a spectacular aura about

I've never done a sequential critique before, so I'll give it a try! Overall I think your perspective and proportions look pretty good, which is one of the more challenging things.

Page 1, the runner in the background has a weird tangent between the roller skate woman and the baby. Where he is at he appears like a miniature dude straddling between them. Pushing him back in space should fix that easily.

Page 2, I think panel 2 may be too close. I don't yet have a sense if place. The staging of the waiter looks good, but it appears as though the fish tank has flipped perspective. Panel 3 looks good, and I like the elements leading the eye down to the next panel. Nice work! I also like the touch of extreme foreground and middle ground in the final panel. It breaks up the space.

One other comment in regards to Scott and the waiter that I notice throughout the pages are their suits. It appears as you took your under drawing and erased any muscle delineation. So rather than looking like clothing it looks like a spandex suit. Especially around the elbows, knees and ankles we should see where the material folds over itself. I highly recommend checking out a book called The Artists Guide To Drawing The Clothed Figure. It's like a master class in the subject while being easy to follow.

Page 3, I'm not a fan of the choice of having Scott break out of panel 3. What is the dramatic effect or purpose? I'm addition, his elbow points to himself in the next panel rather than the focal point, the ring. Panel 5 has some rough staging. I'm assuming that this panel they are reacting to something outside. However, around Jean's hand is so much background information that I can't read it. Try to set up your drawings in a way that important elements can quickly and easily be read.

Panel 6 of this page has Scott and Jean breaking the top border as well as the ring breaking the bottom. Lots to say about this, hence the new paragraph! For starters you have two separate elements popping out in two places, causing them to compete for superiority. Which is most important? What's the focus? Next, the couple breaks the top which leaves a direct line from panel 4 into this one, possibly causing a reader to skip panel 5 or jerk them out of the story. Another thing is by having them break the top the appear to move toward the reader rather than away into the background. Ahh, psychology. Lastly, the ring breaking the bottom partially covers the face in that panel. Try your best to keep faces and hands clear of obstruction since that's how we primarily read the emotions.

Page 4, my personal preference would be having the giant monster winding up the punch he is throwing in panel 2. Setup and follow through. Again, good job leading the eye through the page and down into last panel here.

Page 5, 6, & 7, I don't have much to say except I can no longer follow the story. I've lost all sense of place and what's occurring. Someone throws a car and someone shoots fire, and other confusing things are happening. Pull the camera in or out so we can get an idea what's going on. Vary the size of the panels so important actions take up more space. This looks like a challenging couple of pages!

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Looking forward to future submissions!
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