Thread: Nahga 2237 A.D
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Old 07-24-2017, 01:10 AM   #5
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 186
SSTiger will become famous soon enough

I'd recommend starting with Nahga breaking into the museum/zoo instead of with him making his escape. What you've got here would be the same as Raiders of the Lost Ark starting with Harrison Ford running away from the boulder.
Or like starting out with Trinity already cornered by cops and agents. This was intentional.

This is the only panel on the page. Is the rest of the page empty space? That feels like a waste.
Also intentionally done, to give sort of an "slow opening credits" feel.

What's the camera angle?
Since the guards are the foreground, it would have to be behind them looking down on the scene, or something similar.

If he fell, I doubt he'd be able to shoot.
He fell in the fight - and he's shooting wildly at the guards, but not successfully (hence why the guards are still alive in the next scene). But you're right; that description needs tweaking. Might have to get rid of the shots too.

The smaller the panel, the less time that panel takes up. I'm not sure you have enough time for two shots. Also, unless you're going for a Matrix kinda feel, showing the bullets is probably a bad idea.
You do know shells are not the same thing as bullets, right? Bullets are fired out the barrel while shells fly out of the ejection port - and it's normal to have more than one shell casing in the air when you're rapid-firing.

You've a guy hitting the ground hard, guns being fired, and lions roaring, yet none of them make a sound. Sound effects are your friend. Use them.
Never agreed with the idea of spoonfeeding SFX to the reader for everything that happens. If you've seen (for example) some of the art in the Garth Ennis Punisher run, you'll notice most of the action happens without painting SFX for every shot or explosion.

When we see something happening that makes noise (like lions roaring or guns being fired) the brain understands the sounds that are usually associated with them.

Most of the dialogue involves Nahga simply descibing what is going on and, therefore, doesn't add anything.
Are you sure?

Remember the readers don't have the information in the notes - they don't know how where Nahga is, why he's fighting the guards there, how he was planning on doing this quietly and now regrets getting into the fight (getting his stealth blown here will have consequences later in the story), they don't know this place is a rich collector's personal hoard, they don't know Nahga was hired to steal something specific from it - all of this is revealed through the narration.

The purpose of narration (IMO and as far as I know) is to show the character's personal insight of the scene that is unfolding and use it to reveal further information. Since I was going with narration anyway, instead of just saying "This is a rich collector's stash"; I started with Nahga's Devil-may-care attitude (like when he's facing the male lion) and used it to show other facts that needed to be conveyed, such as how he was trying to go stealthy but accidentally activated the tripwire laser, the fact that we're in a dystopian future etc. I also tried to describe everything without actually describing it - the lion pit fall is "out of the frying pan into the fire"; the fact that we're in a post-ap future is "these days there's not much special left in the world", etc. I thought this was a good way to blend the narration with the art.

It's true I could have done this linearly without narration, starting with breaking into the Collection - but, properly paced, that would take likely around 20 pages (almost the whole first issue) or more to lay out all of this. Instead I conveyed all this information, the setup for a significant part of the first story arc (the talisman, the collector, failing to steal it stealthily), and paced it in an action sequence that serves to establish a lot of Nahga's characterization (his skills, his attitude, the fact that he's a thief/mercenary and that he's got a reputation enough to make the guards recognize and fear him - "The Destroyer"), as well as the introduction to the dystopian future with the buildup to the splash shot of the city, plus the fact (this is an easy-to-miss bonus for sharp readers) that lions are something rare enough they're being treasured as precious things by collectors and that Nahga, who kills people, is hesitating to kill the animals even when his life is in danger.

And I compressed all of that into eight pages.

Can you think of a better way to do that in that short a sequence?
(That's not a rhetorical or sarcastic question - I'm actually asking and am open to ideas.)

P.S: On a side note, does the forum not allow users to insert images into posts?
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