Thread: Nahga 2237 A.D
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Old 07-30-2017, 02:11 PM   #7
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 186
SSTiger will become famous soon enough

Thanks and it's good to be here.

Page 1 Panel 1: When I wrote "shadow scene" I meant completely in black-and-white, "shadowed out" in the art itself. Kind of like this:

(Forgive my cringe-inducing artwork; I can't draw worth a damn or this would be a comic already - so that's obviously not an exact representation of how I envision the panel - I'm thinking a little bit further back in scale, with the railing of the catwalk visible)

Edit: It occurs to me I also forgot to draw the sword and the pistol in the silhouette. You know what, that's just a horrible pic. Ignore it completely. Salient point being: Shadow scene: Outline only and black and white.

Page 2 Panel 1: Yeah that really is a bad description and needs some work.

Page 2 Panel 2: Now that you make me think of it, I think it would work best as a view from just behind the lions. They can be any two from the pride in the pit.

Page 4: True, combining the panels might work. Or one of those panel-within-a-panel thingies where you have a panel and a little box around the part of the scene you want to catch focus, draw the reader's attention.

Plus, it's just a normal gun. Energy weapons exist, but are a lot more expensive than conventional firearms. It's also not suppressed. The main character prefers up-close-and-personal combat, hence why he carries a sword. Also, I've heard "shell" used interchangeably with casings/brass, "shell casings"; but, you know, whatever.

You've NEVER seen Jackie Chan climb a wall? :O Just look at how many times he does it in this video:

Page 5 Panel 1: That's actually a good catch. Maybe in the scene where the guards were arguing, we could show #1 grabbing #2's rifle with his off-hand and push the barrel down, trying to point it away from the lions. That'd make them take a moment to retarget Nahga as he appears out of the lion pit.

Pages 6 & 7 Panel 1: Panel-within-a-panel again, maybe? With the attention-catching panel around the rope...

Pages 6 & 7 Panel 4: Up to the artist what the talisman looks like. As long as it's small and unique-looking

an ellipsis, not a dash.
You lost me there. Could you elaborate?

Page 8 - Night with the slightly-better-off parts of the city lit up.

NOTE: I'm not adamant when it comes to the art descriptions; something that I put as one panel if the artist can represent better as two (or vice versa) - or use a different angle, scale, whatever - I'm not the type to stomp my foot and be stubborn. If it works better that way and still conveys the scene I want, yeah; sure, why not. Working with an artist means working with an artist, after all. It'll need to be discussed and worked out (The design of the collector's museum in Pages 6 &7, for example, might need more input) and is flexible.

The thing I want critique on the most is: Does it work okay as a narrative? Does it do a good job of acting as an intro/teaser sequence into the story and the world, using the advantages of the comic book medium properly?
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