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Old 11-30-2013, 02:33 AM   #1
Steven Forbes
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TPG Week 153: A Pretty Good Story


Hello, one and all! Welcome back to another installment of The Proving Grounds! Hopefully, you've all had a great Thanksgiving. Me? I was at work. But that's neither here nor there. We have Brave One Frank Martin for this week's entry. While I know you were looking for Sam LeBas this week, but unfortunately, it's just going to be Frank and I. So, let's see how Franks treats an



Autumn Twilight (5 pages)



Page 1 (5 panels)



Panel 1

Its the middle of a late autumn day. We start with a high establishing shot of a small, traditional log cabin in the middle of a hilly wooded area, the American frontier. Just on the cusp of winter, the majority of the trees' leaves have already fallen and the few that remain on their branches glitter the scene with a wide variety a reds and oranges. The house rests at the peak of a hill, and a small stream can be seen flowing in the background at the bottom.



SON/CAPTION BUBBLE (The word “bubble” isn't needed. Actually, it's wrong, in the context of a caption.)

Hey, ma. I'm goin' to throw another log under the pot. (Basically, what we have here is a voice-over caption to begin this scene. Since it's a voice-over, it's missing quotation marks, letting the reader know this isn't an internal monologue. Unless they're telepathic. Are they telepathic, Frank? I don't think so.)

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Old 11-30-2013, 05:37 PM   #2
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Well that was relatively painless. Would have liked to have Sam's thoughts too, but them's the breaks.

I'm ashamed of the spelling errors. No excuse for it other than fast/lazy proof reading.

As for the telegraphed ending, yeah. I'll own up to that one. But I'm fine with that.

Thanks, Steven!
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