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Old 01-11-2014, 05:48 AM   #1
Steven Forbes
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TPG Week 159: When Exposition Goes Missing


Not only is it a new year, but it's also my birthday today! Now, as a present, I'm going to try not to add too much red to this script. I don't think that's going to happen, but you never know. Anyway, we have Nyisha Haynes as our new Brave One! We also have Sam LeBas back in purple! I'm still in red, and let's see how Nyisha handles

Knights of Auran

Knights of Auran Issue #1 “Beginnings” Pt.1

Page 1 (4 Panels)

Panel 1:

Ext. Night – Fair Ground’s Parking Lot

Caption: Chesapeake, Georgia: 12 years Ago(Ago is not capitalized)



6 year old Kevin watches with wide eyed fear, helpless as his mother and father are held hostage by a black ops crew. The father struggles panicking as they carry away his terrified wife. The Sergeant points to Kevin.(This is all taking place in a dark parking lot, where is the lighting coming from? Also there is little to no detail in the description of this scene. How many men [or women for that matter] are in the crew? What does ‘being held hostage’ look like? How is the camera positioned so that we see Kevin’s expression and the full hostage scenario? Is the parking lot empty or full? Where is Tim in relationship to his parents? Where are the thugs carrying Mrs. Kevin’s Mom? There are more questions than answers here.) (And this right here? It just lost the Flawless Victory. Formatting is easy. Now, when the panel description elicits more questions than answers, then there is a huge problem.)

Kevin: Mom! Dad!

Mother: Ben!(I assume this is Kevin’s dad’s name? May want to put the parents names in the description to avoid confusion. She says ‘Ben’ in response to Kevin calling out to her. People are going to assume that is the kid’s name.)

Father: Get away from her!!

Sergeant: Get the boy!(Are the parents’ lines necessary? They don’t acknowledge Kevin at all seems like that could be cut.)


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