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Old 01-17-2014, 10:42 PM   #1
Steven Forbes
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TPG Week 160: Deep Problems


Hello, and welcome back to The Proving Grounds! This week, we have a new Brave One in Christopher Knox, who brings us a very strange setup for a tale. It isn't good, folks. You've been warned. We've got Steve Colle in blue, I'm forever in red, and let's see what Christopher did to



Space Bear 54



PAGE ONE (5 panels)



Panel 1. From the rocky shore a vast cove stretches out. The morning fog clings to the still water and a red orange blaze on the horizon threatens the inevitability of the rising sun. In the middle of the cove the silhouette of an observatory precariously perched on an island of jagged rock sits. (This is prose writing: Flowery and expressive. You donít need that for panel descriptions. Get to the point.) (I'm not a fan of flowery panel descriptions. When you do prose panel descriptions, you lose information that the artist needs. Luckily, this particular panel can be drawn. The others will not be so lucky.)



Panel 2. An aerial 45 degree shot of the island. Here, we get a better look of the land surrounding the observatory (Unnecessary, but could be instructions for the artist.). It is a lush green yard that is well taken care of (Meh.). There is a small garden plot in the lower right of the panel (Is this important?). The sun has not yet crested the horizon, the colors are heavy blues and deep purples (Good information for both the artist, so there isn't a sun hanging in the sky, and the colorist.). JAMESON is bent over picking stones out of the plot of tilled earth that is near the edge of a cliff (Where is this?). The waters of the ocean gently lap against the black rocks far below (Where is this?). Jameson wears a large straw hat that will protect him when the sun is high. He is bare foot and in cut off jeans. (Iíd love to know where your camera is positioned with regards to distance as it seems to me like youíre zooming in with this one panel, starting with a general overview to finding the details of cut off jeans and being barefoot.)(There's good information here, but Steve's right: where's the camera? As it stands, this panel cannot be drawn.)

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