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#1 |
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TPG Week 190: Artist Turned...Writer? (Only the Shadow Knows!)
![]() Champions of Pacifica PAGE ONE [3 PANELS] 1. EXT. - Pacifica City – Midday (This is screenwriting-speak. It isn't wrong, but I'm not the biggest fan of it. It often leads to laziness that most new writers cannot afford. For those that don't know, this is an exterior shot of Pacifica City.) Establishing Shot - Panoramic view of Pacifica City. A futuristic city located on the coastline of California. (I’d personally be asking for more details here. How far in the future? Are we seeing the ocean, given it’s on the coastline? Is there a city you could use as a present day model for the artist to build from? These are just some of the questions you may see coming at you based on the loose direction.) (I wouldn't go too far into it, myself. I see Pacifica City as Gotham City: a character of its own, and as such, the artist is going to come up with architecture well beforehand. Since Morgan is an artist first, I'm also willing to let some looseness slide, as long as he's going to draw this himself. If he isn't, then more direction may be needed. We'll soon see.) Aamon Global Tower, standing 120 stories high, is the tallest standing structure in Pacifica City and located in the center of the metropolis. (Again, knowing the timeframe of the story would give a clearer idea of the design and structure of the tower and of the city in general. For example, is it a thousand years in the future like DC’s Legion of Super Heroes or closer to our present day?) News and Police drones are circling the tower at a conservative distance. (Are they flying around the building or are they on the ground? The word “drone”, to me, doesn’t identify flight or ground level surveillance.) The biggest problem I’m having here is the lack of direction of where the camera is placed. You have a lot of grander scale detail such as the overall view of the coastline city and then move in closer to focus on the tower and possibly the name on the building [or is it on the building?] and then even closer to see the drones. Then there’s the problem of a high angle or low angle shot, based on details such as the drones being airborne looking down or on the ground looking up. Give us more to work from. Click here to read more.
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#2 |
Black Pyramid Studios
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Wow, I can't believe how bad it was. I knew right off the bat it wasn't going to live up to a set standard, I suck at writing. Thanks for letting me know and taking your time to edit this, I think I'll just stick to drawing.
At least now I know and I can focus on one thing. I never wrote the script intending it to be anything other than a fun project for me to draw, now I'm glad I didn't actually draw this and make a fool of myself.
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#3 |
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If this is your baby, Morgan, I suggest you get a writer onboard. Layouts a good artist. Writers will jump to work with you on this.
As a matter of fact, shoot me an email, and we can talk. (See what I did there?)
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#4 |
Black Pyramid Studios
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Now I feel like I've just been set up!
But seriously, I would but I am dirt poor, I can't afford to pay anyone. I don't even think this project is worth the time anymore, but thanks for the offer Steven.
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#5 |
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Who said anything about paying someone?
Send me the damned email! ![]() (Unless you're dead set on this being dead. Then shoot me the damned email, anyway.)
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#6 |
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Hey, Steven. You mentioned you work in your local 911. Out of curiousity, what do you do outside of editing?
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#7 |
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You got this TPG done super early too! Woohoo! I love having something to read in the morning at work while the phones are slow. Thanks!
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#8 | |
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Quote:
Are you asking what my day job is?
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#9 |
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Steven, m'man, do you expect everyone who hasn't been in the military to know what a minigun is? I don't even know what a Gatling gun is! Was it meant as a technical term, or was it generic? And would it be on his arm and not in his hand? C'mon now…
![]() ![]() Morgan, don't be afraid to be a co-plotter for your stories. If you have ideas, work with someone who can make them happen. In the meantime, keep drawing. You have some serious talent in that department. ![]()
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#10 |
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Ya!
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#11 | |
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Quote:
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#12 |
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#13 |
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I never played video games, myself, though my kids have tried to teach me over the years. Maybe I should have had my 23 year old read the script!
Thanks for the direction.
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#14 |
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I told Morgan to put some of his dialogue in German. I still think it is pretty cool, though maybe too much now.
Steve was asking about the minigun and I got an idea. Maybe the German guy could be in a uniform and carry a pistol and sword. The guy in the picture below has a blade but not a sword but he looks close to what I am talking about. My idea was that the villain is about precision and efficiency rather than spraying his enemy down with a minigun. http://www.echobasetoys.com/More_12_.../TCT-62019.jpg Steve and Steven are right. A lot of writers would love the chance to work with an artist such as yourself. Don't give up on your idea, just take the advice you have been given and make it better. |
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#15 |
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I assumed as much when you said you did not know what a minigun was. There are always better things to spend your time on, so I don't blame you.
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