TPG Week 212: Pause To Think

**Steven Forbes** · 01-16-2015, 10:05 AM

Welcome back, one and all, to another installment of the Proving Grounds! This week, we have a new Brave One in Fabian Andres. We also have Liam Hayes in blue, I'm the guy in red, and let's see what Fabian does in an

INFINITE ECHO #1

Before we begin, I have to say that I'm disappointed that I had to pick up the font size from 10 to 12. You're welcome.

ONE

Panel 1: ALL-WIDE PANEL. We see a dark (What's the light source? Moonlight?) and lonely temperate forest from above. Maybe NIXXIE’s silhouette is barely visible. She’s running away from THE HUNTERS. (We're not going to be able to see any characters with this establishing shot. They'll be lost in a sea of detail. We don't need to see them, though. A good way to pull us in would be to have dialogue coming from the tree tops; perhaps from the hunters.)

1. CAPTION: Several years ago.

Panel 2: ALL-WIDE PANEL. NIXXIE runs through the forest. She’s desperate to escape but she knows she’s being followed. (This is prose. How is this visually represented? Do we see silhouettes of her pursuers in the background? Is she expressing fear? Think visually.) She’s wearing plain and slightly ragged clothing. (Modern clothing? Fantasy clothing? Elaborate.) Her face and ears remain unseen. (What's the shot for this panel. I know what I'd go with: the character running towards us with her pursuers in the background. That way we get the danger of the hunters and Nixxie's expression.)(Can't show an expression if you want to hide a face. Especially ears. The ears will give it away every time.)

Click here to read more.

SkyfireQT · 01-16-2015, 05:44 PM

Thanks for taking the time to go over this!! TPG has thaught me so much since i started following. Wheni discovered it i immediately sent this outdated script. I then realized that my work had changed but this was great. It told me that i was right in changing some stuff in my way of writing... And it showed me new stuff that i have to work on. I really have to pause to think, i submited this and my other script too soon but i'm so glad i submitted.

Ps. Mu second and already submitted script is also 10pt. Please don't murder me. It'll never happen again :O

**Steven Forbes** · 01-16-2015, 09:26 PM

Murder you?

Well... Maybe not THIS time... We'll see what happens next time, though. Then, maybe an ax! A blunt ax! Ooh! Beheadings with a ballpeen hammer! Or a plastic spork!

Decisions, decisions...

SkyfireQT · 01-19-2015, 11:57 AM

Hahahaha oh my!! Well, thanks again for your time. Until next time!

SamRoads · 01-19-2015, 07:29 PM

Thanks Liam and Steven for doing the editing. Appreciate your hard work.

I'd already seen this script elsewhere in the site, and it still has the 'come on little bunny' awkwardness! :O

Punctuation is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

01-16-2015, 05:44 PM	#2
SkyfireQT Fabian Andres Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 19	Thanks for taking the time to go over this!! TPG has thaught me so much since i started following. Wheni discovered it i immediately sent this outdated script. I then realized that my work had changed but this was great. It told me that i was right in changing some stuff in my way of writing... And it showed me new stuff that i have to work on. I really have to pause to think, i submited this and my other script too soon but i'm so glad i submitted. Ps. Mu second and already submitted script is also 10pt. Please don't murder me. It'll never happen again :O __________________ Fabián Rodríguez Comicbook scriptwriter and student of Creative Writing for Entertainment based in Costa Rica. Behance Portfolio Facebook Page

01-16-2015, 09:26 PM	#3
Steven Forbes Freelance Editor Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the moment Posts: 3,888	Murder you? Well... Maybe not THIS time... We'll see what happens next time, though. Then, maybe an ax! A blunt ax! Ooh! Beheadings with a ballpeen hammer! Or a plastic spork! Decisions, decisions... __________________ Learn to make comics at ComixTribe! Be part of the Tribe! E-Mail me for your editing needs. Twitter: @stevedforbes "Criticism is an acknowledgment of your ability to produce results." David Gerrold

01-19-2015, 11:57 AM	#4
SkyfireQT Fabian Andres Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 19	Hahahaha oh my!! Well, thanks again for your time. Until next time! __________________ Fabián Rodríguez Comicbook scriptwriter and student of Creative Writing for Entertainment based in Costa Rica. Behance Portfolio Facebook Page

01-19-2015, 07:29 PM	#5
SamRoads Also known as Felix Join Date: May 2012 Location: Cardiff, UK Posts: 308	Thanks Liam and Steven for doing the editing. Appreciate your hard work. I'd already seen this script elsewhere in the site, and it still has the 'come on little bunny' awkwardness! :O Punctuation is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit. __________________ Editor CreativeScreenwriting.com "The best magazine for screenwriters" - The LA Times

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

01-16-2015, 10:05 AM	#1
Steven Forbes Freelance Editor Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the moment Posts: 3,888	TPG Week 212: Pause To Think Welcome back, one and all, to another installment of the Proving Grounds! This week, we have a new Brave One in Fabian Andres. We also have Liam Hayes in blue, I'm the guy in red, and let's see what Fabian does in an INFINITE ECHO #1 Before we begin, I have to say that I'm disappointed that I had to pick up the font size from 10 to 12. You're welcome. ONE Panel 1: ALL-WIDE PANEL. We see a dark (What's the light source? Moonlight?) and lonely temperate forest from above. Maybe NIXXIE’s silhouette is barely visible. She’s running away from THE HUNTERS. (We're not going to be able to see any characters with this establishing shot. They'll be lost in a sea of detail. We don't need to see them, though. A good way to pull us in would be to have dialogue coming from the tree tops; perhaps from the hunters.) 1. CAPTION: Several years ago. Panel 2: ALL-WIDE PANEL. NIXXIE runs through the forest. She’s desperate to escape but she knows she’s being followed. (This is prose. How is this visually represented? Do we see silhouettes of her pursuers in the background? Is she expressing fear? Think visually.) She’s wearing plain and slightly ragged clothing. (Modern clothing? Fantasy clothing? Elaborate.) Her face and ears remain unseen. (What's the shot for this panel. I know what I'd go with: the character running towards us with her pursuers in the background. That way we get the danger of the hunters and Nixxie's expression.)(Can't show an expression if you want to hide a face. Especially ears. The ears will give it away every time.) Click here to read more. __________________ Learn to make comics at ComixTribe! Be part of the Tribe! E-Mail me for your editing needs. Twitter: @stevedforbes "Criticism is an acknowledgment of your ability to produce results." David Gerrold