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Old 12-15-2015, 03:23 AM   #1
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TPG Week 259: Not Bad For A 1st Timer


Welcome back, one and all, to another installment of The Proving Grounds! This week, we have a brand new Brave One in Arjun Ramesh. We also have Liam Hayes in sacre blue (roll with the jokes, folks!), and we have Ryan Kroboth with the pencil assist. I'm the guy in red, crying in the corner with sore calves. (And feet. And ass. That's because I hiked the mother-stinkin' Grand Canyon this weekend. And I'll do it again, too!)




Anyway, let's see what happens with Arjun and the




Shadowworks




Argh, your format is all bunched up. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and blame the software you were using. I am nice like that. You owe me a cookie for spacing it out properly. Also, you had said in your email this was one of your first scripts and you were fully expecting to get trashed, but wanted to learn from that. Bonus points for the attitude. Consider us square on the cookie debt.




Liam is much, much kinder than I am. This isn't even about the sore calves. And feet. And ass. Remember, folks: elevation changes going down? Easy. Elevation changes going up? You're going to pay for it with your entire body… Anyway, I don't care that this is one of the first scripts. There are almost five complete years worth of edited scripts in the archive here. I'm just going to call it five years worth. Anyway, that's five years worth of learning opportunities. I'd set the Line of Demarcation right here, except we haven't started yet. (Okay, that last sentence might be the calves talking...)




PAGE 1




6 panels (I like the panel numbers under the page heading. Let's the artist know something of what they're getting into. The bad part is that you could count wrong, or forget to update if you add/remove panels.)




PANEL 1

Establishing shot. Present day. Exterior of a Gothic house. (What time period is this set?) (Um…it says “present day.” Unless you're asking for the time of day, which is a different question.)




We have grey clouds in the night sky, garden filled with weeds, terrible shoddy place all around. Heavy rain. (Ah! Night!)




There is a creepy looking tree standing on the left near a wooden fence, nearly naked and without any leaves.




Gravel path runs toward the main building. There is a door, two windows on either side and three windows on the first floor. Yellow light on all the windows, except the middle one on the first floor.




A silhouette of a man stands in the porch. (What's he doing? I imagine just stood there, facing us and away from the house. Let's see if my assumption is correct.)




No dialogue

Click here to read more.
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Old 12-16-2015, 03:18 AM   #2
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(Greg, in a single word, what aren’t these characters doing? Then, please expand on your answer.)
Quote:
It could use a little more punch, and the characters should be doing something that Greg will be talking about, but it wasn’t bad.
Quote:
(We’re missing something. The same thing that’s going to be talked about by Greg.)
Quote:
These need some work. Greg is going to talk about what’s missing in some of them, but really, if you follow a simple thought, you should get by nicely.
Quote:
The other problems were already addressed either by Liam, or will be by Greg.
Way to put the pressure on...

Acting. Reacting. Emoting. Whatever you want to call it, the characters aren't really doing anything. As it is, this script is filled with expressionless characters standing around, which makes for a fairly boring read.
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Old 12-16-2015, 04:22 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by gmartyt View Post
Way to put the pressure on...

Acting. Reacting. Emoting. Whatever you want to call it, the characters aren't really doing anything. As it is, this script is filled with expressionless characters standing around, which makes for a fairly boring read.
There was no pressure. You got it in one go.

Nicely done!
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:16 AM   #4
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Well, that went better than I expected. Thanks for doing the edit, guys.

Really sorry about the botched format Liam. I had half of it written in Scrivener before copying it to Word to do the rest (I really didn't like Scrivener). Format became needlessly complicated and took way too much effort. Learned my lesson though, sticking to Word from now on.

It's been a while since I read the script, looking at it, I seem to be holding back information from the artist. There's also a lot of unnecessary details in the panel descriptions. Most of the stuff (having the characters act-thanks Greg) are (hopefully) easily fixable though.

Steven, there are a couple of things I'd like to know. The first one's with gutter time- how much can we get away with? That was my whole gripe with the second page, I put this script up in a couple of forums and the common complaint was too many panels and a lot of words (I originally had the silent panel you suggested in there).

Secondly, about the lighting (which is part of the plot). I want to know whether the idea will translate well in the medium.

The general idea was to make it seem as if reader is in the room. The whole lightning clichéd bit was to introduce/foreshadow the arrival of the supernatural character (which I didn’t properly explain in the script- see the holding back information bit above). The lighting turns progressively redder as his presence grows and it stays that way for the next 5-6 pages. He does the face melty bit (the impact of the blood and gore which gets desaturated by the red lighting) and is goofing around with the skull. By this point I’m assuming the reader have gotten used to the colour scheme. Then the vampire’s father barges in the room to stop the murder, turns on the light and sees blood all over the floor and dripping from the floating skull and assumes the vampire did it (he can’t see the creature).

Now the whole scene works perfectly to get a jarring effect on video where the transition happens in real time. Can it be done/will it have the same effect in comics? (and I’m thinking of two splash pages, side by side before and after the lights are on.)
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:56 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
Well, that went better than I expected. Thanks for doing the edit, guys.
I don't know about Liam, but it was my pleasure.

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Originally Posted by Arjun View Post

Really sorry about the botched format Liam. I had half of it written in Scrivener before copying it to Word to do the rest (I really didn't like Scrivener). Format became needlessly complicated and took way too much effort. Learned my lesson though, sticking to Word from now on.
I don't like any tool that takes away time from me to actually write, and I don't like any tool that others can't use to their advantage. Most artists don't have Scrivener. Most artists have Word, or can get OpenOffice/LibreOffice (a free alternative). There's also Google Docs. Personally, I use Final Draft, and then convert to rtf. I'm lazy.

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Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
It's been a while since I read the script, looking at it, I seem to be holding back information from the artist. There's also a lot of unnecessary details in the panel descriptions. Most of the stuff (having the characters act-thanks Greg) are (hopefully) easily fixable though.
Acting isn't difficult. Just put in the actions you see in your head, instead of having the characters just standing around. They're in there. You just have to get them out of your head and onto the page.

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Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
Steven, there are a couple of things I'd like to know. The first one's with gutter time- how much can we get away with? That was my whole gripe with the second page, I put this script up in a couple of forums and the common complaint was too many panels and a lot of words (I originally had the silent panel you suggested in there).
This answer is going to be unsatisfactory.

The real answer is: it depends.

You can have entire seasons pass in gutter time. Years. Decades. Or you could have milliseconds. It depends on the needs of the story. You can have as much or as little time as you need.

The trick is not to have too big of a jump in the same scene. One second a guy has his coat on, the next he's naked and doing the sweaty mambo with a chipmunk. That can work because of the large gap in time--especially if you have another large gap in time, such as showing them lying in bed sharing a cigarette.

Let's say you're writing a fight, though. Two guys are fighting, and one is punched. In the next panel, one of them has run away and is already halfway down the block. That's too large of a gap.

One gap works, another doesn't. It depends on what the story needs.

Also remember that adding panels slows time down, and removing panels speeds it up.

(Told you that the answer was unsatisfying.)

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Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
Secondly, about the lighting (which is part of the plot). I want to know whether the idea will translate well in the medium.
No. Liam was right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
The general idea was to make it seem as if reader is in the room. The whole lightning clichéd bit was to introduce/foreshadow the arrival of the supernatural character (which I didn’t properly explain in the script- see the holding back information bit above). The lighting turns progressively redder as his presence grows and it stays that way for the next 5-6 pages. He does the face melty bit (the impact of the blood and gore which gets desaturated by the red lighting) and is goofing around with the skull. By this point I’m assuming the reader have gotten used to the colour scheme. Then the vampire’s father barges in the room to stop the murder, turns on the light and sees blood all over the floor and dripping from the floating skull and assumes the vampire did it (he can’t see the creature).
Yeah, I stopped reading/caring after you said 5-6 pages because I believe it won't have the impact on the reader that you wish. Most will wonder where the slow light source is coming from. If you have to explain, then it doesn't work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
Now the whole scene works perfectly to get a jarring effect on video where the transition happens in real time. Can it be done/will it have the same effect in comics? (and I’m thinking of two splash pages, side by side before and after the lights are on.)
Comics aren't film. Film isn't comics.

And while you can do anything in comics, I never suggest two different splash pages side by side. A double splash page? Sure. Two different ones? I believe I'd call that padding every time, and would rap your knuckles with a ruler. (Mahogany. I have expensive tastes.)

You have to come at things a different way in order to approach some film effects. Some of them just won't work. Things like a dolly zoom just won't translate well. Understand the strengths and weaknesses of your chosen medium, and then you'll be able to tell your stories more confidently.
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:11 AM   #6
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Excellent submission. Thanks Steven and Liam, I really enjoy reading TPG.

Here are some of my thoughts. All guaranteed wrong, or your money back.

* On reflection I think Steven's 7 or 9 thing is a non-issue. I've been keeping an eye open and seen a load of very well laid out 8 panel pages, and plenty of badly laid out 7s and 9s. 323 seems to work almost as well as 232. Obviously, the more panels, the less dialogue and so forth. Both Moore and Morrison successfully do pages with 20+ panels.

* Regarding gutter-time - read Scott McCloud. No book (or even Bolts and Nuts) does as good a job on it.

* Regarding page 2 - if you know that your page is two people standing around, don't let it be. You're the writer. Come up with a better place for the scene to occur. Check out this article:
http://creativescreenwriting.com/ric...cene-settings/

In your story, what stops them from moving through a couple of rooms? If it's a big house, there could be corridors to walk down. Maybe the conversation takes place in a very interesting room, full of books or taxidermy or train models or posters of Winona Ryder? Maybe a room of paintings of oranges, in all the different artistic styles.

* The way to get better at 'camera' angles is to write lots and see the results of your writing.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:18 AM   #7
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PANEL 2

We are on the first floor of the house, a hallway with red carpet. High ceiling, a large light hanging from the middle- one of those old timey designs. Only a single light source, so the place immediately under the light is bright, with the far corners getting progressively darker. (Most artists know how light works.) (I could have sworn it was me who hiked the Grand Canyon and thus, should be cranky…)

There are three doors to one side, the one farthest from our view is open. The other two are closed, with no light coming from under the middle one. The nearest door is plain, but the middle door has one of those “Keep out” “no entry” signs teenagers have (or anything silly you can come up with). (Do these other doors matter? Or are you needlessly complicating this description?)

We see Moser walk towards the door, going straight for the middle room. (Hm. Mr. Kroboth? Methinks you’re up. His visualization and explanation should shed light on my problem here.)
I'm not totally sure that I know what Steven is referring to, so I'll just go with why I had a bit of trouble with this panel.

To start with, here is the panel that I came up with.



After reading the script, I thought for a while what I was missing. The first thing that I realized was the first closed door in the hallway and the open one should have light emitting out of them despite the panel description saying the only light source would be the light in the hallway. This is because those rooms are meant to be the ones we see from the second floor of the house on the first pages opening panel.

Which then made me realize that those windows each needed to be their own room. Obvious, yes, but I didn't immediately realize that would mean the hallway would need to run parallel to the front of the house. This threw my head for a loop. I spent two of my breaks at work researching gothic house floor plans to see if I could find anything that what was called for in the script. From what I found, there aren't really any that fit that description. Most have two rooms on that end, and occasionally a little foyer between the two. But the doors were never aligned along one wall, as I interpret the script.

But, it is a drawing, and I can technically force it to whatever (not that I like to). I'm sure that most people probably wouldn't put that much thought into it.

The other thing that made this a bit tricky is the placement of the character. You have your three doors, and you want the open one at the other end of the hallway. This means no matter what, this wall would be on the left or the top of the panel receding away. You want Moser approaching the middle door. So he will need to be moving past that first door, and away from the camera. This panel ended up being really tight (I should have done it lengthwise), but we don't see what he is doing, his reaction, and it's also difficult to judge which door he's heading for.

What I personally don't like more than either of those two is the eye flow of this panel is moving upward. As described, I can't bring the eye down to the next tier of panels and moving through the page.

The panel I would have liked to draw would have had Moser on the stairs, about chest height to the next floor. The doorway which he would heading toward he is looking up at directly with a sorrowful glance, or whatever you wish him feeling at this moment. The elevation difference in the panel would help move the eye downward. It would feel more like he's trudging to his location since he isn't moving as quickly (I think that is what you are going for).

I enjoyed the story, Arjun. It was interesting, and cool to see someone attempting different things. That's what is great about TPG. You can get some great feedback on how it is coming across to others to see how successful it is.

That's all I have for right now. I'll be back to answer my other question in the morning!
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Old 12-17-2015, 06:38 AM   #8
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And while you can do anything in comics, I never suggest two different splash pages side by side. A double splash page? Sure. Two different ones? I believe I'd call that padding every time, and would rap your knuckles with a ruler. (Mahogany. I have expensive tastes.)

You have to come at things a different way in order to approach some film effects. Some of them just won't work. Things like a dolly zoom just won't translate well. Understand the strengths and weaknesses of your chosen medium, and then you'll be able to tell your stories more confidently.
Yeah, I see your point. I didn't know if it would work either, just making sure (and to be honest, I'm not sure if I can afford even a single splash page, the story is hypercompressed as it is).

On a related note, do you know of any books about the comic medium? And I'm not talking just about the craft (your Bolts and Nuts columns have been as useful as anything I've read). Something along the lines of Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics which explore the medium, or any academic studies on it (I heard Will Eisner and Alan Moore have written books which are pretty good).
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Old 12-17-2015, 07:27 AM   #9
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Excellent submission. Thanks Steven and Liam, I really enjoy reading TPG.

Here are some of my thoughts. All guaranteed wrong, or your money back.

* On reflection I think Steven's 7 or 9 thing is a non-issue. I've been keeping an eye open and seen a load of very well laid out 8 panel pages, and plenty of badly laid out 7s and 9s. 323 seems to work almost as well as 232. Obviously, the more panels, the less dialogue and so forth. Both Moore and Morrison successfully do pages with 20+ panels.

* Regarding gutter-time - read Scott McCloud. No book (or even Bolts and Nuts) does as good a job on it.

* Regarding page 2 - if you know that your page is two people standing around, don't let it be. You're the writer. Come up with a better place for the scene to occur. Check out this article:
http://creativescreenwriting.com/ric...cene-settings/

In your story, what stops them from moving through a couple of rooms? If it's a big house, there could be corridors to walk down. Maybe the conversation takes place in a very interesting room, full of books or taxidermy or train models or posters of Winona Ryder? Maybe a room of paintings of oranges, in all the different artistic styles.

* The way to get better at 'camera' angles is to write lots and see the results of your writing.
Thanks for the article, Felix (and you weren't wrong. I'll have my $0.00 back, please).

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Originally Posted by SamRoads View Post

In your story, what stops them from moving through a couple of rooms? If it's a big house, there could be corridors to walk down. Maybe the conversation takes place in a very interesting room, full of books or taxidermy or train models or posters of Winona Ryder? Maybe a room of paintings of oranges, in all the different artistic styles.
I had actually followed some of that advice in the second part of the story (it takes place in the mob boss's office. No Winona Ryder but a lot of modern art, plus a giant picture of a cat's backside with it's tail up. I was picturing the boss doing the whole Joe Pesci's "You think I'm funny" bit at anyone who laughs at it. The paintings of oranges in different artistic styles actually makes sense thematically, I'm thinking of stealing the idea).

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Originally Posted by SamRoads View Post
* On reflection I think Steven's 7 or 9 thing is a non-issue. I've been keeping an eye open and seen a load of very well laid out 8 panel pages, and plenty of badly laid out 7s and 9s. 323 seems to work almost as well as 232. Obviously, the more panels, the less dialogue and so forth.
I read somewhere that 8 panels for talking heads and 4 panels for action is the norm (or at least a loose guideline). I try to keep it around the 5-7 panel mark for now.

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Originally Posted by SamRoads View Post
Both Moore and Morrison successfully do pages with 20+ panels.
Pretty sure that's mostly due to the calibre of artists they get to work with. Plus, both of them have decades of experience (and I'm pretty sure Alan Moore used to draw a bit), so I'm assuming they are pretty good with panel placements themselves.

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Originally Posted by SamRoads View Post
* The way to get better at 'camera' angles is to write lots and see the results of your writing.
This is something I've been doing lately. I started writing 4-5 scripts in multiple genres as an exercise, mostly for getting the words out. I'll probably submit some of the better ones here at TPG.
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Old 12-17-2015, 09:10 AM   #10
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I'm not totally sure that I know what Steven is referring to, so I'll just go with why I had a bit of trouble with this panel.

To start with, here is the panel that I came up with.



After reading the script, I thought for a while what I was missing. The first thing that I realized was the first closed door in the hallway and the open one should have light emitting out of them despite the panel description saying the only light source would be the light in the hallway. This is because those rooms are meant to be the ones we see from the second floor of the house on the first pages opening panel.

Which then made me realize that those windows each needed to be their own room. Obvious, yes, but I didn't immediately realize that would mean the hallway would need to run parallel to the front of the house. This threw my head for a loop. I spent two of my breaks at work researching gothic house floor plans to see if I could find anything that what was called for in the script. From what I found, there aren't really any that fit that description. Most have two rooms on that end, and occasionally a little foyer between the two. But the doors were never aligned along one wall, as I interpret the script.

But, it is a drawing, and I can technically force it to whatever (not that I like to). I'm sure that most people probably wouldn't put that much thought into it.

The other thing that made this a bit tricky is the placement of the character. You have your three doors, and you want the open one at the other end of the hallway. This means no matter what, this wall would be on the left or the top of the panel receding away. You want Moser approaching the middle door. So he will need to be moving past that first door, and away from the camera. This panel ended up being really tight (I should have done it lengthwise), but we don't see what he is doing, his reaction, and it's also difficult to judge which door he's heading for.

What I personally don't like more than either of those two is the eye flow of this panel is moving upward. As described, I can't bring the eye down to the next tier of panels and moving through the page.

The panel I would have liked to draw would have had Moser on the stairs, about chest height to the next floor. The doorway which he would heading toward he is looking up at directly with a sorrowful glance, or whatever you wish him feeling at this moment. The elevation difference in the panel would help move the eye downward. It would feel more like he's trudging to his location since he isn't moving as quickly (I think that is what you are going for).

I enjoyed the story, Arjun. It was interesting, and cool to see someone attempting different things. That's what is great about TPG. You can get some great feedback on how it is coming across to others to see how successful it is.

That's all I have for right now. I'll be back to answer my other question in the morning!
I was originally picturing a lengthwise shot of what you've drawn, a wider hallway with the stairs running parallel to the room. Basically this http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pu...es/Scooby.png/ with stairs on one side(My idea on what a Gothic house looks like come from Scooby Doo).

But the problem is his face will probably be turned away from us and we can't see his expression. Your idea sounds waay better. I wasn't thinking it through, I just wanted to get him up the stairs and into the next scene.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:10 PM   #11
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I was originally picturing a lengthwise shot of what you've drawn, a wider hallway with the stairs running parallel to the room. Basically this http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pu...es/Scooby.png/ with stairs on one side(My idea on what a Gothic house looks like come from Scooby Doo).

But the problem is his face will probably be turned away from us and we can't see his expression. Your idea sounds waay better. I wasn't thinking it through, I just wanted to get him up the stairs and into the next scene.
Gotcha. So you were thinking of a one-point perspective shot.

I wouldn't say that you weren't thinking it through. Sometimes what we see in our head doesn't work as well as we hoped on paper. Trust me, I know this. It's rare that I ever have an initial idea and it looks exactly how it did in my head at the end. The visualization helps to bring forth any problems with the drawing and allows you to improve them. I'd say it's no different than writing your first draft of something and how the final draft looks compared to it.

Hopefully if your artist has any trouble or suggestions with what your panel descriptions are, you are able to work it out together. I know you are willing to work with your artist with the open writing to them, so I'm pretty confident you will be able to deliver the best story possible that way.

For suggestions for books, I highly recommend Framed Ink by Marcos Mateu-Mestre. It's not one on the actual writing process, but rather a look at laying out comics graphically. I have a feeling that peeking deeper into the other side of the process will greatly benefit your writing. The books by Will Eisner are good, and if you check the bibliography of Understanding Comics, McCloud referenced them in his writing.

Other than that, I say write yourself. All the books in the world won't guide you to your own voice. Make mistakes. Make comics. Tell stories.
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Old 12-17-2015, 02:17 PM   #12
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Quote:
PANEL 2

The man has reached the door and is about to knock. (Nope. I was wrong because you made me assume. Don’t make your artist wrong either.) We get to see his face- old, around 65 years. Slim build, (This slim build would have come across in the silhouette.) has a elongated, clean shaven face, crow’s feet around the eyes.

His name is Moser, and he does not look happy. Looks like he is about to kill a puppy.

He is wearing the traditional gangster garb. Expensive suit, tie, black leather gloves, fedora on top of his head. His left hand is curled up into a ball and his right hand is on the knocker. (Know what I dislike about this panel description? No, I’m not going to say. Ryan, I don’t want you to draw this. What I want you to do is explain where you have to put the camera in order to draw this, and why that camera placement is a relatively bad idear. Tanks, buddy!)
I see this camera as either having to being very close to the door (nearly flush with it) looking toward Moser, or a flat staged side shot coming from Moser's left (as to properly see his clenched fist).

Either way, it's going to be difficult to see both Moser's expression AND what he is doing. Which is the most important thing in this panel?

Also, we have an OTS shot looking at him in the next panel. I'm thinking you could use that as the payoff (for the expression) and have this panel behind him in an OTS shot to flip the camera. That would allow us to see his body language (which could be exaggerated to greater effect) and the door knocker. Just a thought.
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Old 12-17-2015, 05:09 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by DarkHalf05 View Post
I see this camera as either having to being very close to the door (nearly flush with it) looking toward Moser, or a flat staged side shot coming from Moser's left (as to properly see his clenched fist).

Either way, it's going to be difficult to see both Moser's expression AND what he is doing. Which is the most important thing in this panel?

Also, we have an OTS shot looking at him in the next panel. I'm thinking you could use that as the payoff (for the expression) and have this panel behind him in an OTS shot to flip the camera. That would allow us to see his body language (which could be exaggerated to greater effect) and the door knocker. Just a thought.
One would think that I've been doing this for a little while, huh?

Thanks, Ryan. Stellar, as always.

(I'm thinking about writing a story about the saxabone. You up for it? It's been poking around in my head ever since you drew it. Let me know.)
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Old 12-17-2015, 05:21 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Arjun View Post
On a related note, do you know of any books about the comic medium? And I'm not talking just about the craft (your Bolts and Nuts columns have been as useful as anything I've read). Something along the lines of Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics which explore the medium, or any academic studies on it (I heard Will Eisner and Alan Moore have written books which are pretty good).
Thanks. Glad to hear that the articles have been useful.

As others have said, Eisner is good. I'd stay away from Moore, unless you're into pontificating on worldbuilding. (Worldbuilding is needed, but not really necessary.)

Honestly, try looking outside of comics. Storytelling is storytelling. Comics is just a medium to tell them through. Almost anything can be done with the visuals, but learning how to tell a story first is critical.

The closest thing to comics are movies/plays. Story by Robert McKee is good. As are the lectures by John Truby. These are geared toward screenwriting, but they have insights into storytelling that comics won't give you.

Hope that helps.

(Oh, and don't waste your money with the Bendis book. It isn't worth the price of admission. Watch his TED talk instead. There. I just saved you $20. Take your significant other to the movies.)
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Old 12-17-2015, 05:34 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by DarkHalf05 View Post
I'm not totally sure that I know what Steven is referring to, so I'll just go with why I had a bit of trouble with this panel.

To start with, here is the panel that I came up with.



After reading the script, I thought for a while what I was missing. The first thing that I realized was the first closed door in the hallway and the open one should have light emitting out of them despite the panel description saying the only light source would be the light in the hallway. This is because those rooms are meant to be the ones we see from the second floor of the house on the first pages opening panel.

Which then made me realize that those windows each needed to be their own room. Obvious, yes, but I didn't immediately realize that would mean the hallway would need to run parallel to the front of the house. This threw my head for a loop. I spent two of my breaks at work researching gothic house floor plans to see if I could find anything that what was called for in the script. From what I found, there aren't really any that fit that description. Most have two rooms on that end, and occasionally a little foyer between the two. But the doors were never aligned along one wall, as I interpret the script.

But, it is a drawing, and I can technically force it to whatever (not that I like to). I'm sure that most people probably wouldn't put that much thought into it.

The other thing that made this a bit tricky is the placement of the character. You have your three doors, and you want the open one at the other end of the hallway. This means no matter what, this wall would be on the left or the top of the panel receding away. You want Moser approaching the middle door. So he will need to be moving past that first door, and away from the camera. This panel ended up being really tight (I should have done it lengthwise), but we don't see what he is doing, his reaction, and it's also difficult to judge which door he's heading for.

What I personally don't like more than either of those two is the eye flow of this panel is moving upward. As described, I can't bring the eye down to the next tier of panels and moving through the page.

The panel I would have liked to draw would have had Moser on the stairs, about chest height to the next floor. The doorway which he would heading toward he is looking up at directly with a sorrowful glance, or whatever you wish him feeling at this moment. The elevation difference in the panel would help move the eye downward. It would feel more like he's trudging to his location since he isn't moving as quickly (I think that is what you are going for).

I enjoyed the story, Arjun. It was interesting, and cool to see someone attempting different things. That's what is great about TPG. You can get some great feedback on how it is coming across to others to see how successful it is.

That's all I have for right now. I'll be back to answer my other question in the morning!
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

I had trouble with this panel because of the spacing and the visualization that had to be done in order to try to make it work.

In order to have 3 doors shown, they're going to need some space between them. Sure, two doors could only have a wall separating them so that they're really close together--maybe a foot apart. The third door has to be apart from the other two, though, because rooms have length as well as width.

The problem then becomes where do you put the character? What's the best place to show him going toward the middle door, especially if he isn't at it?

The way Ryan has drawn it doesn't show it, and most people would think that he's going for the open door.

(Ryan also solved another problem for you with his visualization: he's taking the character from left to right by placing the doors on the left hand side of the character. I was seeing the doors on the right hand side, having the character either walking straight ahead away from the camera. This could have made the layout of the house a tad problematic. Well, it's problematic, anyway, as Ryan pointed out, but this could have been even moreso.)
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