TPG Week 175: Inciting Incident Needed

[Steven Forbes]

Welcome back, one and all, to The Proving Grounds! This week, we’ve got a Brave One who is no stranger to these parts: novelist Ronnie Massie! We have something we don’t often see around here: a resubmission! We’ve also got Samantha LeBas in purposeful purple, I’m wearing the rarin’ red, and let’s see how Ronnie handles

Sheep’s Clothing



Page One (5 Panels)

Panel 1: We’re outside on a sunlit day, looking at a small, white wooden church. There are cars(modern era?) filling a small parking lot that is surrounded by trees. A lone woman(This needs more detail, there is a great deal of difference between a ninety-year-old Korean woman and a twenty-year-old redhead, you haven’t told us who we are dealing with here.) is standing near on the stairs near the entrance. (*1: See ref for church exterior)

PASTOR (OFF PANEL): (add ellipses) And so, my brothers and sisters, we must always be mindful of the bad elements within our midst.

PASTOR (OFF PANEL): Beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. (This dialogue isn’t coming from OP, it’s coming from the church. Either have the balloon tails point at the church, or think about making these captions instead.)

Panel 2: We’re inside the church, looking out over the congregation from the pastor’s point of view. (Give us an estimate of how many people are there, what type of congregation this is, and are any key characters in this panel?) The door at the rear of the church is slightly ajar, and the woman from outside is standing in front of it. (*2: See ref for church interior)

NO COPY

Panel 3: Inset into panel 2. This is a close-up of the pastor’s face. He has one eyebrow lifted.

NO COPY


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