TPG Week 153: A Pretty Good Story

**Steven Forbes** · 11-30-2013, 02:33 AM

Hello, one and all! Welcome back to another installment of The Proving Grounds! Hopefully, you've all had a great Thanksgiving. Me? I was at work. But that's neither here nor there. We have Brave One Frank Martin for this week's entry. While I know you were looking for Sam LeBas this week, but unfortunately, it's just going to be Frank and I. So, let's see how Franks treats an

Autumn Twilight (5 pages)

Page 1 (5 panels)

Panel 1

Its the middle of a late autumn day. We start with a high establishing shot of a small, traditional log cabin in the middle of a hilly wooded area, the American frontier. Just on the cusp of winter, the majority of the trees' leaves have already fallen and the few that remain on their branches glitter the scene with a wide variety a reds and oranges. The house rests at the peak of a hill, and a small stream can be seen flowing in the background at the bottom.

SON/CAPTION BUBBLE (The word “bubble” isn't needed. Actually, it's wrong, in the context of a caption.)

Hey, ma. I'm goin' to throw another log under the pot. (Basically, what we have here is a voice-over caption to begin this scene. Since it's a voice-over, it's missing quotation marks, letting the reader know this isn't an internal monologue. Unless they're telepathic. Are they telepathic, Frank? I don't think so.)

Click here to read more.

scrappy · 11-30-2013, 05:37 PM

Well that was relatively painless. Would have liked to have Sam's thoughts too, but them's the breaks.

I'm ashamed of the spelling errors. No excuse for it other than fast/lazy proof reading.

As for the telegraphed ending, yeah. I'll own up to that one. But I'm fine with that.

Thanks, Steven!

11-30-2013, 02:33 AM	#1
Steven Forbes Freelance Editor Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the moment Posts: 3,888	TPG Week 153: A Pretty Good Story Hello, one and all! Welcome back to another installment of The Proving Grounds! Hopefully, you've all had a great Thanksgiving. Me? I was at work. But that's neither here nor there. We have Brave One Frank Martin for this week's entry. While I know you were looking for Sam LeBas this week, but unfortunately, it's just going to be Frank and I. So, let's see how Franks treats an Autumn Twilight (5 pages) Page 1 (5 panels) Panel 1 Its the middle of a late autumn day. We start with a high establishing shot of a small, traditional log cabin in the middle of a hilly wooded area, the American frontier. Just on the cusp of winter, the majority of the trees' leaves have already fallen and the few that remain on their branches glitter the scene with a wide variety a reds and oranges. The house rests at the peak of a hill, and a small stream can be seen flowing in the background at the bottom. SON/CAPTION BUBBLE (The word “bubble” isn't needed. Actually, it's wrong, in the context of a caption.) Hey, ma. I'm goin' to throw another log under the pot. (Basically, what we have here is a voice-over caption to begin this scene. Since it's a voice-over, it's missing quotation marks, letting the reader know this isn't an internal monologue. Unless they're telepathic. Are they telepathic, Frank? I don't think so.) Click here to read more. __________________ Learn to make comics at ComixTribe! Be part of the Tribe! E-Mail me for your editing needs. Twitter: @stevedforbes "Criticism is an acknowledgment of your ability to produce results." David Gerrold

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11-30-2013, 05:37 PM	#2
scrappy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 118	Well that was relatively painless. Would have liked to have Sam's thoughts too, but them's the breaks. I'm ashamed of the spelling errors. No excuse for it other than fast/lazy proof reading. As for the telegraphed ending, yeah. I'll own up to that one. But I'm fine with that. Thanks, Steven!