TPG Week 152: Various Mistakes

[Steven Forbes]

Welcome back, one and all, to The Proving Grounds! This week, we have a new Brave One in Doug Wood. We also have Steve Colle returning to us in blue, I'm in red, and let's see if Doug is able to go through

Hell's Gate

Page 1 (4 Panels)

Panel 1 Int. seedy motel room. In this first panel show Rebecca in lingerie. She should be shown adjusting her push up bra in front of a sink mirror. She is standing in front of a sink, but she is not in the bathroom, it’s that kind of motel. The bathroom door, which is closed, should be to her right and should have the light on. (What my understanding here is that you’re concentrating your camera on the bathroom area of the room. Is that accurate? This isn’t bad, but you should have an establishing shot on the page. Will the next panel fit that bill?)

Motel room reference: http://www.google.com/imgres?start=1...2&tx=163&ty=84

The link, when I looked at it, didn’t show any interior shots of the “seedy” kind of room. As a matter of fact, there were some good reviews on the Comstock Motel. I guess my question would be: Do you really need to have a visual reference to show a low-grade motel room? If the artist can’t imagine one, then allow them to look up reference photos themselves.

Lingerie reference:

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=push+...8&tx=51&ty=115

This link didn’t work when I tried it, just taking me to a page that read it as an error. Again, do you need to provide this reference?

Caption Damn it, I hate push up bras. I wish I could go back in time and slap some sense into the man who invented them. (Look at your script format here, Doug. You’ve got your caption and the text associated with it on the same line. Then look at how you have the rest of your dialogue formatted below. Keep it consistent. I personally have no preference as an editor, so go with what feels more natural for you. And by the way, I really like this line of dialogue. It gives a good sense of character.)

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