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Old 10-12-2012, 12:57 PM   #1
bladou20
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My first 4 pages of sequential art

Hello,
I'm new here and wanted to get some feedback on my first attempt at sequential art. I have a background in animation and have wanted to try doing some pages for a while. This is an idea I had for a short film that I had fun doing as a comic. I appreciate any feedback.
Thanks
Page 1
http://bladou20.deviantart.com/art/F...ge-1-331695173
Page 2
http://bladou20.deviantart.com/#/d5hhdzu
Page 3
http://bladou20.deviantart.com/#/d5hhe6d
Page 4
http://bladou20.deviantart.com/#/d5hheby
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:26 PM   #2
Ray Dillon
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WELCOME!!!! Thanks for joining DW and sharing your work!

Right off the bat I like a lot of the shots you're using. Probably from your experience in animation, huh? I bet. Also, whatever story this is with that river monster I want to read it! So if you're writing this too, that's extra awesome points.

I see you're asking for harsh crits, but I don't believe in them. What I will say is that you seem to have a strong base. You can draw people, places, and things, and more importantly you have a good sense of storytelling which is almost (and sometimes is) more important than the technical drawing aspect. So my advice to you is to just keep drawing like crazy and improving your skills. You have a little work to do to polish your stuff, but that's it. Just polishing. It's not like you're lacking any abilities. Looking forward to seeing more!
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:04 AM   #3
Dannthr
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I highly recommend regularly attending figure drawing sessions.

Every artist should--drawing the human body is a muscle that must be constantly worked.

The arms on the last panel on the first page of our little hotty are fairly wonky.

It can be difficult to gauge the proportions when the entire body is not within view which is why your body is much more successful in the wide shots.

Anyway, Ray was right on--looks like an interesting and original story, great and challenging angles, and just keep on going, man!
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:06 PM   #4
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The only thing that bothered me in the pages was the continual use of just the crocodile's head. It would have been good to maybe use a birdseye view with the shadow of the crocodile underneath her or some mid shots with more of the croc showing...but great start.
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:10 PM   #5
bladou20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray Dillon View Post
WELCOME!!!! Thanks for joining DW and sharing your work!

Right off the bat I like a lot of the shots you're using. Probably from your experience in animation, huh? I bet. Also, whatever story this is with that river monster I want to read it! So if you're writing this too, that's extra awesome points.

I see you're asking for harsh crits, but I don't believe in them. What I will say is that you seem to have a strong base. You can draw people, places, and things, and more importantly you have a good sense of storytelling which is almost (and sometimes is) more important than the technical drawing aspect. So my advice to you is to just keep drawing like crazy and improving your skills. You have a little work to do to polish your stuff, but that's it. Just polishing. It's not like you're lacking any abilities. Looking forward to seeing more!
First, thanks for your feedback. This idea was something I came up with that did not require any dialogue since I have a hard time getting voice actors for animation work.
I just ask for harsh crits to let people know I will not bite their head off and I appreciate your comments. As soon as I looked at other pencil work being done by pro's, I realized I would have to do a better job of finishing these off. By polishing, do you mean I will need to work on further rendering of shots or just adjustments in proportion and anatomy as another poster referred to? Thanks again!
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dannthr View Post
I highly recommend regularly attending figure drawing sessions.

Every artist should--drawing the human body is a muscle that must be constantly worked.

The arms on the last panel on the first page of our little hotty are fairly wonky.

It can be difficult to gauge the proportions when the entire body is not within view which is why your body is much more successful in the wide shots.

Anyway, Ray was right on--looks like an interesting and original story, great and challenging angles, and just keep on going, man!
Thank you for the comment. I did not even notice that. After looking again, I also realize that the proportion of the body does not match the head. I realize I need to start taking a closer look at these on a vertical screen like I do when going over animation.
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:15 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ebony Warrior View Post
The only thing that bothered me in the pages was the continual use of just the crocodile's head. It would have been good to maybe use a birdseye view with the shadow of the crocodile underneath her or some mid shots with more of the croc showing...but great start.
Huh, I did not think of that. I guess it's ingrained in me from watching all those giant monster movies. They never seem to show full body until it's too late for the victim. I like your idea though.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:47 AM   #8
Dannthr
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That's definitely true, but think about maybe other ways of creating tension or impending danger without showing the head every time.

For me, I wasn't really afraid of the head, because the head seemed to be another character.

The head gives a lot of identity to the creature when the mystery or uknown is what is scary.

Maybe consider crossing the girl's figure with mysterious silhouettes of parts of the creature's body--never showing the whole creature, but also letting us feel the tension of the unknown, the danger of mystery.

The composition of the creature in the frame with the girl will give us all the information we need about it being a potentially malicious or fatal creature.
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