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Old 06-17-2015, 09:50 PM   #1
Adam Masterman
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Whirlwind: The Secret Origin

Hey guys,

Just finished up this tiny story, purely for fun and its even about a superhero, which has been a long time for me. Let me know what you think; I did it all, so any complaints get sent my way.

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Old 06-21-2015, 02:13 AM   #2
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Great work! I love the style and colors! I think you really succeeded in making a good looking comic.

The only critique I have would be the writing. I think it can be "tweaked' better to allow readers to connect more with the protagonist.
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Old 06-21-2015, 02:57 AM   #3
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Very fun!

I don't think you need the captions at all, your visuals are clear enough without them.

The only thing a reader wouldn't understand from art alone is the name of the procedure she underwent that accidentally gave her powers. If that's ok with you, I might consider excising the copy. Up to you.

Great work. Keep going. More!

Best,
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Old 06-21-2015, 09:58 PM   #4
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@engcheedraws,
Thanks, man, glad you dig the look. Writing can always use tweaking, right? But I'll give it another "listen", or have my wife read it out loud to me.

@Matt
Interesting; I actually wrote the script first, and since it was a monologue, I just sort of illustrated it in ways that seemed interesting. So its cool that the visuals end up telling the meat of it. More is coming, but don't hold your breath, this is a back-burner project for now.
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Old 06-22-2015, 11:17 AM   #5
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Love it!

Disagree with both Matt and engcheedraws about the dialogue. Gives the story that much needed (sorely missed) 80's feel to superhero genre.
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Old 06-22-2015, 02:42 PM   #6
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Very good indeed. Excellent style, wonderful layout.

I think the lettering is a touch below the quality of the art and writing, with some padding issues.
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Old 06-22-2015, 10:07 PM   #7
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Hey Adam, perhaps I can input more to give you an idea of what I'm getting at. Right now, my opinion is that the writing feels a little "flat" and I think it can be improved by giving it a more "rhythmic feel" and "weight". Rhythm being the way a sentence is constructed and weight being the choice of words used.

For example, you can perhaps write something like " It was an exhilarating experience! The thrill, the rush, the joy of saving lives and being able to make a difference! I don't think anyone has ever loved being a superhero more than me!" for one of the panels to emphasize/shed light/give insight to the personality of the heroine.

It makes the writing more of a personal account as the protagonist "speaks" to the reader and it allows us as readers to connect with her more as we take her in more as a living breathing human being with emotions etc. Just some thoughts.

Somewhat disappointed to learn that this is a back burner project but I'm definitely excited to see what you have in store. All the best for your comics!
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Old 06-27-2015, 04:15 AM   #8
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Wow...what a treat. Beautiful fluid line work and expressive faces. Not to mention a good ol' fashioned one page origin.

I'd like it even more if the extreme motion blur was toned down significantly. The art is powerful enough without the special effects
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Old 07-04-2015, 12:23 PM   #9
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I like this a lot, pretty much for all the reasons mentioned already. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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