DWPFF: Scripting

[ehobbs]

Hopefully the lack of action in here means everyone is off scripting their stories. Hopefully.

[JamieRoberts]

I haven't read every post in this thread (it expanded at a ridiculous rate!) so forgive me if this is now irrelevant. I just read the three adaptations of the Star Wars scene and I want to give my overall impressions.

The 70s Marvel adaptation is far too clunky and unnecessarily wordy. The dialogue seems to have been expanded upon merely to fit Marvel's house style at the time and the whole scene (I imagine the whole book) suffers greatly as a result. The emphasis is on all of the wrong moments. By filling the fight scene with captions and dialogue and leaving very little room for the action to breathe, the pacing is exactly the same as the Han/Luke et al part. Across the four pages, there's no real sense of drama. It has the same effect as somebody verbally telling the story using the tried ans trusted "...and then... and then..." approach.

The Dark Horse adaptation... meh. Even less room given to the scene. I don't know if there was a strict editorial mandate regarding page allotment but Christ, this is Star Wars! Do it justice. I'd consider this to be pretty much by-the-numbers storytelling. The angles seem to be taken directly from movie stills, except with occasional cropping and in the case of Vader's fatal blow, an implausible zoom out? Possibly to save the effort of Luke's reaction being awarded its own panel. You know, nothing crucial. Only one of Luke's major turning points... sheesh. The dialogue is obviously lifted directly from the movie which is fine, I guess, but the pacing doesn't fit.

Now. The manga. I'm going to have to admit here that I'm not a fan of manga, but this adaptation is streets ahead of the first two. The first thing that struck me, other than the huge grin on my face, was that the scene was given its due. You can't do a movie adaptation shot-for-shot, and this has been duly noted. Every mark has been hit. The crucial elements are there, as they were in the other versions, but the drama has been well and truly amped up. A crazy kinetic lightsabre duel which wasn't present on celluloid (does that matter?), altered pacing which makes the most of the big moments. God, this is good reading. It shows how the same dialogue can be ultilised to far greater effect when you control your pages. The art has been given free reign here. The killing strike, far from being dealt with in a single panel, is given a double-page spread and feels more important. Even Ben's knowing glance immediately before is dealt with better here than Dark Horse's lifeless panel (he's just looking to his left. If I hadn't seen the film, I wouldn't have caught the significance from that panel).

Although the manga art style isn't my cup of tea, I'm honestly going to start reading more after seeing how they handled this scene. To me, the whole approach was the biggest difference. Marvel's seemed constricted and bound by superhero conventions and is very much a product of its time. Dark Horse was too literal and sterile and unfocused. The manga was a comic telling the story of Star Wars.

[jrod]

Originally Posted by JamieRoberts

I haven't read every post in this thread (it expanded at a ridiculous rate!) so forgive me if this is now irrelevant. I just read the three adaptations of the Star Wars scene and I want to give my overall impressions.

The 70s Marvel adaptation is far too clunky and unnecessarily wordy. The dialogue seems to have been expanded upon merely to fit Marvel's house style at the time and the whole scene (I imagine the whole book) suffers greatly as a result. The emphasis is on all of the wrong moments. By filling the fight scene with captions and dialogue and leaving very little room for the action to breathe, the pacing is exactly the same as the Han/Luke et al part. Across the four pages, there's no real sense of drama. It has the same effect as somebody verbally telling the story using the tried ans trusted "...and then... and then..." approach.

The Dark Horse adaptation... meh. Even less room given to the scene. I don't know if there was a strict editorial mandate regarding page allotment but Christ, this is Star Wars! Do it justice. I'd consider this to be pretty much by-the-numbers storytelling. The angles seem to be taken directly from movie stills, except with occasional cropping and in the case of Vader's fatal blow, an implausible zoom out? Possibly to save the effort of Luke's reaction being awarded its own panel. You know, nothing crucial. Only one of Luke's major turning points... sheesh. The dialogue is obviously lifted directly from the movie which is fine, I guess, but the pacing doesn't fit.

Now. The manga. I'm going to have to admit here that I'm not a fan of manga, but this adaptation is streets ahead of the first two. The first thing that struck me, other than the huge grin on my face, was that the scene was given its due. You can't do a movie adaptation shot-for-shot, and this has been duly noted. Every mark has been hit. The crucial elements are there, as they were in the other versions, but the drama has been well and truly amped up. A crazy kinetic lightsabre duel which wasn't present on celluloid (does that matter?), altered pacing which makes the most of the big moments. God, this is good reading. It shows how the same dialogue can be ultilised to far greater effect when you control your pages. The art has been given free reign here. The killing strike, far from being dealt with in a single panel, is given a double-page spread and feels more important. Even Ben's knowing glance immediately before is dealt with better here than Dark Horse's lifeless panel (he's just looking to his left. If I hadn't seen the film, I wouldn't have caught the significance from that panel).

Although the manga art style isn't my cup of tea, I'm honestly going to start reading more after seeing how they handled this scene. To me, the whole approach was the biggest difference. Marvel's seemed constricted and bound by superhero conventions and is very much a product of its time. Dark Horse was too literal and sterile and unfocused. The manga was a comic telling the story of Star Wars.

I think you nailed it - and I haven't seen anyone else in the thread give a good argument against the manga version, yet. Would like to see someone try...

...and fail.

[chris stevens]

so how's everyone finding the scripting coming?

[r nelson]

Originally Posted by chris stevens

so how's everyone finding the scripting coming?

Finished

What's happening with the art submissions?

[JamieRoberts]

Originally Posted by chris stevens

so how's everyone finding the scripting coming?

Just about found the time to get my head into it.

[chris stevens]

the art submissions will open early this coming week. jamal just had a baby and i have some personal deadlines that are consuming the vast majority of my time until monday.

checking back in here, i was a bit disappointed to see this thread kind of sputter out...i don't think anyone has it down enough that the conversation shouldn't still be rolling. maybe it's just because jason is out of town.

[RonaldMontgomery]

I have something to post I'm excited about...just need to get access to a scanner.

My self-imposed deadline is a week from Sunday for a final draft. We all can't be Rich *meaningful glare*.

[r nelson]

*innocent shrug back at Ronald*

I just have a lot on my plate, and didn't want this to be hanging over my head while I was working on that stuff.

I wasn't trying to show off until you mentioned it in the other thread...

- Richard

[chris stevens]

no, rich turned his script out like a pimp on pacific ave. on a gatti fight night.

sorry, meaningless atlantic city reference.

that said, and as the guy dealing with the totality of the book, while i appreciate the turn-around, rich was working on a pretty straight-forward job. to his credit he turned in a sturdy first look, took what i offered, incorporated it, and there really wasn't any reason, outside of picking nits, to ask for another draft.

some of you have much more complicated jobs, to get it right(which is all we'll accept)ahead of you. so i think talking it out here, or at least talking out process, can save a lot of time, worry, and frustration. on all ends.

[Fred Duran]

Originally Posted by chris stevens

so i think talking it out here, or at least talking out process, can save a lot of time, worry, and frustration. on all ends.

Definitely. Between you and James, my story's come quite a ways from what it was originally.
Oh, and Chris, if the version I sent you is still too dark, the version after it is where it's at (according to James). So let a brotha know

[chris stevens]

fred, i know i'll sound contrary seeing as i'm here on this board, but i'm just out of it for the weekend...james is my right-hand, he knows what i want from each story, and if he says go, go!

happy to hear it's coming along!

[Fred Duran]

Originally Posted by chris stevens

fred, i know i'll sound contrary seeing as i'm here on this board, but i'm just out of it for the weekend...james is my right-hand, he knows what i want from each story, and if he says go, go!

happy to hear it's coming along!

Fair enough. I'll start on the script tonight

[RonaldMontgomery]

Originally Posted by r nelson

*innocent shrug back at Ronald*

I just have a lot on my plate, and didn't want this to be hanging over my head while I was working on that stuff.

I wasn't trying to show off until you mentioned it in the other thread...

- Richard

(showoff)

[arseneau77]

K, well, in the interest of stimulating conversation, let's talk about narration.

When is it useful? How much is too much? Is it always better to follow the "show don't tell" rule, or are there times when a different approach is called for?