Kent - a sci-fi comic

[Anders_VB]

These are the first three pages of a short comic I'm working on, please tell me what you think.
Panel 1 on page 3 bothers me, yet I don't really know how to improve it.

[Bishop]

I think this is great! Please post when you have it lettered. Are you planning to color this?

[Anders_VB]

Thanks Bishop! The finished thing will indeed be in color.

[danos]

This is absolutely brilliant! I love the style, the pacing, the cinematic feel. You are an amazing artist and storyteller.

If I had to get picky because you asked for critique. I'd mention a couple of things but they are so minor and I truly am in awe of your talent and craft.

Page 2

- It was not obvious (to me) at first read that on panel 2 the guard was napping or knocked out. The first panel implied knocked out with the dragging feet but in panel 2 he seemed a bit too serene and propped up like he was sitting and napping.

- I would have prefered if the gutters of the page were white instead of black because it loses that feel of brightness and sunlight throughout the scene by making it darker although the background is bright. The corridors are lit and he has stepped outside in the sun. The fourth panel also gets enveloped in unecessary blackness maybe if its brighter with less blacks and shadows.
Maybe you could hold of the black page gutters until page 3 for more impact as suggested below (ex. 1).



Page 3

- You mentioned panel 1 but I couldn't see anything that bothersome except maybe that a top panel border instead of having it reach the top edge of the page.

I'd like to suggest a different approach in page 3 - panel 3 if I could because the fainting lines of the trees braking the panel edges feels a bit distracting.
In my humble opinion. Maybe if it was framed differently with thicker blacks of the tree barks and a more shadowy forest clearing in the middle. Also widening the white of the bark he leans on in panel 4.
In ex. 1 You could make it the focus of the page by making it all black stretching it over the rest of the page so that the reader feels that he is inside the forest also.
In ex.2 you could keep the same motif as the rest of the panels and keeping it within borders.



Either way this is some of the best and most interest art and style I think I've come across in a while. The creature is really cool and it reminds me of John Byrne's stuff.

Keep up the great work and keep us informed how this is coming out.

Do you have a blog or an online portfolio you can post?

Have a look if you like at my own
http://danosart.blogspot.gr/

Cheers

Danos

[Magnus]

This is brilliantly lovely! Take my money!


:M:

[Anders_VB]

Thank you so much Danos, both for the compliment and the helpful critique!

Id' like to point out that some things are of course not obvious as the pages are not yet colored.
On panel 2, page 2 I'm going to add blood running down the guards face. Panel two and three will take place after sunset, and panel four during full night, the scene will be lit by streetlights.

I really dig your suggestion with clipping the first panel on page 3, personally I was afraid that I'd lose the "massive" feel of the forest, but it really works.
Otherwise I'm a little hesitant to use black borders on page 3, as I want to convey the feeling of freedom, the creature has just escaped a lifetime of captivity and found a home in the woods. I might rework some things.

I checked out you blog, really cool stuff!

My blog is at: http://andersvb.blogspot.se/
Right now it's in swedish, but I mostly just put up pictures.
I also have a deviantart which is mostly the same stuff as my blog, but I think I have some comics in english there http://andersvb.deviantart.com/

Also: Love Byrne, his 80s stuff are among my favorites!

[Anders_VB]

Originally Posted by Magnus

This is brilliantly lovely! Take my money!

Thanks Magnus!
I couldn't help but notice that your Norwegian (or maybe just live in Norway).
I'm swedish myself, the comic I'm doing is for a comics magazine called Utopi, here's a link to their blog if you're interested: http://www.kolikforlag.se/

[Frankmillerfan]

Outstanding!!

[Magnus]

Originally Posted by Anders_VB

Thanks Magnus!
I couldn't help but notice that your Norwegian (or maybe just live in Norway).
I'm swedish myself, the comic I'm doing is for a comics magazine called Utopi, here's a link to their blog if you're interested: http://www.kolikforlag.se/

Det ante meg at du var svensk med navnet Anders, hehe. Har sett flere av Kolik sine bøker, men aldri lest dessverre! Kjøper absolutt Utopi når den kommer ut.

Er du på Twitter også? (Ev. FB?)

:M:

[Renae De Liz]

Originally Posted by danos

This is absolutely brilliant! I love the style, the pacing, the cinematic feel. You are an amazing artist and storyteller.

If I had to get picky because you asked for critique. I'd mention a couple of things but they are so minor and I truly am in awe of your talent and craft.

Page 2

- It was not obvious (to me) at first read that on panel 2 the guard was napping or knocked out. The first panel implied knocked out with the dragging feet but in panel 2 he seemed a bit too serene and propped up like he was sitting and napping.

- I would have prefered if the gutters of the page were white instead of black because it loses that feel of brightness and sunlight throughout the scene by making it darker although the background is bright. The corridors are lit and he has stepped outside in the sun. The fourth panel also gets enveloped in unecessary blackness maybe if its brighter with less blacks and shadows.
Maybe you could hold of the black page gutters until page 3 for more impact as suggested below (ex. 1).



Page 3

- You mentioned panel 1 but I couldn't see anything that bothersome except maybe that a top panel border instead of having it reach the top edge of the page.

I'd like to suggest a different approach in page 3 - panel 3 if I could because the fainting lines of the trees braking the panel edges feels a bit distracting.
In my humble opinion. Maybe if it was framed differently with thicker blacks of the tree barks and a more shadowy forest clearing in the middle. Also widening the white of the bark he leans on in panel 4.
In ex. 1 You could make it the focus of the page by making it all black stretching it over the rest of the page so that the reader feels that he is inside the forest also.
In ex.2 you could keep the same motif as the rest of the panels and keeping it within borders.



Either way this is some of the best and most interest art and style I think I've come across in a while. The creature is really cool and it reminds me of John Byrne's stuff.

Keep up the great work and keep us informed how this is coming out.

Do you have a blog or an online portfolio you can post?

Have a look if you like at my own
http://danosart.blogspot.gr/

Cheers

Danos

Ooooh LOVE the black border version. It makes the whole page pop.

[MistValkyrie]

oh wow, this is very nice! I'd love to read it!

[Jpah]

I definitely would pick this book up! love the style. Kudos