An attempt at sequential art

TrevorDLewis · 04-06-2014, 04:45 PM

Hey there, I'm new to this forum so I'm hoping to see and show some great art. I want to improve so no holding back folks(gulp....), haha. Anyhow, here's a little story I'm working on for a friend. Let me know what you think and what I could have improved on. Thanks for looking!

**paul brian deberry** · 04-06-2014, 07:07 PM

not bad.

Aaron Wilder · 04-06-2014, 08:09 PM

Not bad, but the panel with the slap looks off to me. The motion of his hand suggests left to right, but her head is turned the other way. Either his pose or hers would seem to need reversing imo.

TrevorDLewis · 04-06-2014, 09:49 PM

Thanks Paul! You know what Aaron, I knew that panel looked off a bit. Thanks for calling it out. I put in some faint speed lines to help show the direction of the slap. She got slapped on the right side of her face with his left hand and is now turning towards her left which is the direction of the slap. Still looks weird tho, haha.

ColbyAddison · 04-07-2014, 12:05 AM

Page 2, Panels 2, the aliens seem massive in size compared to the woman. In Panel 4 though, they just seem slightly bigger, and in Panel 5 they appear to be roughly "man" sized. Perspective is all it is. Other than that, it looks alright. Keep at it.

Rob Norton · 04-07-2014, 05:14 PM

these look pretty cool in a lot of places, and there are a few things that could use some work.

ill add my 2 cents for what its worth...

PAGE 1

panel 1 and interesting but tough angle you chose. the truck is being seen at an angle, but everything else looks as if is being seen straight down. the details of the truck look faked. and the lack of defining details on the backgrounds isn't helping. I know that its tough cause its a desert scene so..what do you draw? sand? but some small bushes...a tree here or there.. maybe a mile marker sign or something to help sell the small details.
and...whats with all the random scribbly lines defining nothing at the top of the panel? I see this on several panels. don't feel the need to fill in space with random lines if then don't actually do anything.

panel 2
pretty good. truck details are much better, but still looking a little faked in parts. I HATE drawing vehicles and struggle with this exact same thing every time.
try to pay attention to the size of things in relation to everything else around it. small things start jumping out. like...if you look at how big and wide her truck is and how big and wide the lane she is driving in must be..you see that the opposite lane is VERY narrow.
the mountains in the back could use some referencing and more believable detail rather than random dark blobs of pencil lead. the placement is cool, but make them look more real.

panel 3
I like this panel for the most part, but the shape of the ship is hurting you I think. most people might assume, as I did, that it would be a generic circular saucer shape. I can understand wanting to do something original and different, but since you have not established the shape of the ship anywhere yet, having this first real reveal of it in a silhouette might be bad cause it looks weird and we cant define what we are seeing. it looks add as hell.

panel 4
pretty cool. doesn't look like you maybe drew her entire arm with shoulder and elbow to make sure it looks like they are actually properly connected. it looks like you might have just drew the forearm where it looks like it might go. but it doesn't look connected. (and more random scribbly lines on the right of the panel)

PAGE 2

panel 1
not sure what panel 1 is supposed to be doing. why even have it? what are you saying here?

panel 2
monster/aliens look neat. but they DO look massive and their size doesn't follow thru with the rest of the pages as was mentioned by someone else. and the girl on the panel...her body doesn't follow the perspective that you layed out for the table itself. we should be seeing more of her body, but it looks like shes slumped down. if im making sense.

panels 3 and 4
looks fine to me...

panel 5
looks pretty good. alien size changes. and I don't think the perspective on the table the girl is on follows the vanishing points you established. I don't think we would be seeing it totally straight on its side. but good overall.

page 3
panel 1
good use of 2 point perspective keeping things on the same plane. the truck is again, massively out or perspective with things around it, especially to the size relation to the girl. and its real wheel looks like the tire fell off and is running on its rims. its WAY to small. ya have to notice things like that. step back from the drawing and look at it fresh as a whole. getting to steeped in the details can make you miss big things. I struggle with this all the time.

panel 2
cool

panel 3
as mentioned by someone else, it looks like shes reacting in the wring direction. I see what you were attempting, but it didn't work. maybe if her hair flowed in a way to show which way she was flipping, it might help it.

panel 4
not bad...she looks kinda weird. some background is needed here..

panel 5
not bad overall... but..im gonna be honest here.. the placing of everything here made me first thing shes givin the guy a hummer. her head is right in a weird place. (maybe this says more about me :O) the angle is good and his evil look is awesome. but moving her head might be good.

panel 6
idea is good...execution not so much, every detail kinda faked. the ship doesn't look like (the admittedly limited) established look. NOW it looks like a saucer. the truck looks totally wrong. its way to elongated and weird. either reference a real truck and make it look grounded and believable, or just lose it all together.

panel 7
see above...

PAGE 4
good angle. again, ship design doesn't really seem to match what came before, but we never really see it. its an interesting design, but hard as hell to drawn. it doesn't look proportional to itself cause its got such weird angles and curves. hard to draw for sure.

panel 2
aliens look cool and menacing. big snake thing looks cool. but the snake and the human don't appear to be standing on the same plane. he looks high up.. and snake looks like he would be propped up on a floor way below due to size.

sssssooooo....that's my thoughts. got some neat stuff going on. id like to see more art from you for sure.

rob

ld-airgrafix · 04-07-2014, 08:26 PM

Thats very good, you have skill in drawing, just work on varying your angles and story telling. For example, i would switch 1st page, panel 1 and 2 around. Panel 2 is a lot stronger

TrevorDLewis · 04-07-2014, 09:50 PM

Awesome! Thanks for breaking down your thoughts on all the pages Rob. I really appreciate it. I struggled with Page 1 Panel 1. Didn't know what to put, haha. Thought about telephone lines but found it hard to do the spaceship with them. That spaceship is not in proper perspective now that I really look at it.....doh! I'm learning to pay more attention to the perspective overall and the relationships objects have with each other. I 100% agree with everything else you mentioned. Thanks again Rob. Thank you as well Id-airgrafix. Page 1 Panel 1 was the most painful panel for me......ever, haha. Thanks for the great tips guys!

04-06-2014, 04:45 PM	#1
TrevorDLewis Registered User Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 8	An attempt at sequential art Hey there, I'm new to this forum so I'm hoping to see and show some great art. I want to improve so no holding back folks(gulp....), haha. Anyhow, here's a little story I'm working on for a friend. Let me know what you think and what I could have improved on. Thanks for looking!

04-06-2014, 07:07 PM	#2
paul brian deberry is a MASShole Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: just out of reach Posts: 3,778	not bad. __________________ scientists believe that dinosaurs went extinct because they ate pineapple on pizza

04-06-2014, 08:09 PM	#3
Aaron Wilder Bacon Maker Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 837	Not bad, but the panel with the slap looks off to me. The motion of his hand suggests left to right, but her head is turned the other way. Either his pose or hers would seem to need reversing imo. __________________ "Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong." - Robert Anton Wilson My Blog project blog On Twitter @aaronwildercomx

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04-06-2014, 09:49 PM	#4
TrevorDLewis Registered User Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 8	Thanks Paul! You know what Aaron, I knew that panel looked off a bit. Thanks for calling it out. I put in some faint speed lines to help show the direction of the slap. She got slapped on the right side of her face with his left hand and is now turning towards her left which is the direction of the slap. Still looks weird tho, haha.

04-07-2014, 12:05 AM	#5
ColbyAddison Misanthropic Writer Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: USA - Virginia Posts: 115	Page 2, Panels 2, the aliens seem massive in size compared to the woman. In Panel 4 though, they just seem slightly bigger, and in Panel 5 they appear to be roughly "man" sized. Perspective is all it is. Other than that, it looks alright. Keep at it.

04-07-2014, 05:14 PM	#6
Rob Norton apprentice of the pencil Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: utah Posts: 3,990	these look pretty cool in a lot of places, and there are a few things that could use some work. ill add my 2 cents for what its worth... PAGE 1 panel 1 and interesting but tough angle you chose. the truck is being seen at an angle, but everything else looks as if is being seen straight down. the details of the truck look faked. and the lack of defining details on the backgrounds isn't helping. I know that its tough cause its a desert scene so..what do you draw? sand? but some small bushes...a tree here or there.. maybe a mile marker sign or something to help sell the small details. and...whats with all the random scribbly lines defining nothing at the top of the panel? I see this on several panels. don't feel the need to fill in space with random lines if then don't actually do anything. panel 2 pretty good. truck details are much better, but still looking a little faked in parts. I HATE drawing vehicles and struggle with this exact same thing every time. try to pay attention to the size of things in relation to everything else around it. small things start jumping out. like...if you look at how big and wide her truck is and how big and wide the lane she is driving in must be..you see that the opposite lane is VERY narrow. the mountains in the back could use some referencing and more believable detail rather than random dark blobs of pencil lead. the placement is cool, but make them look more real. panel 3 I like this panel for the most part, but the shape of the ship is hurting you I think. most people might assume, as I did, that it would be a generic circular saucer shape. I can understand wanting to do something original and different, but since you have not established the shape of the ship anywhere yet, having this first real reveal of it in a silhouette might be bad cause it looks weird and we cant define what we are seeing. it looks add as hell. panel 4 pretty cool. doesn't look like you maybe drew her entire arm with shoulder and elbow to make sure it looks like they are actually properly connected. it looks like you might have just drew the forearm where it looks like it might go. but it doesn't look connected. (and more random scribbly lines on the right of the panel) PAGE 2 panel 1 not sure what panel 1 is supposed to be doing. why even have it? what are you saying here? panel 2 monster/aliens look neat. but they DO look massive and their size doesn't follow thru with the rest of the pages as was mentioned by someone else. and the girl on the panel...her body doesn't follow the perspective that you layed out for the table itself. we should be seeing more of her body, but it looks like shes slumped down. if im making sense. panels 3 and 4 looks fine to me... panel 5 looks pretty good. alien size changes. and I don't think the perspective on the table the girl is on follows the vanishing points you established. I don't think we would be seeing it totally straight on its side. but good overall. page 3 panel 1 good use of 2 point perspective keeping things on the same plane. the truck is again, massively out or perspective with things around it, especially to the size relation to the girl. and its real wheel looks like the tire fell off and is running on its rims. its WAY to small. ya have to notice things like that. step back from the drawing and look at it fresh as a whole. getting to steeped in the details can make you miss big things. I struggle with this all the time. panel 2 cool panel 3 as mentioned by someone else, it looks like shes reacting in the wring direction. I see what you were attempting, but it didn't work. maybe if her hair flowed in a way to show which way she was flipping, it might help it. panel 4 not bad...she looks kinda weird. some background is needed here.. panel 5 not bad overall... but..im gonna be honest here.. the placing of everything here made me first thing shes givin the guy a hummer. her head is right in a weird place. (maybe this says more about me :O) the angle is good and his evil look is awesome. but moving her head might be good. panel 6 idea is good...execution not so much, every detail kinda faked. the ship doesn't look like (the admittedly limited) established look. NOW it looks like a saucer. the truck looks totally wrong. its way to elongated and weird. either reference a real truck and make it look grounded and believable, or just lose it all together. panel 7 see above... PAGE 4 good angle. again, ship design doesn't really seem to match what came before, but we never really see it. its an interesting design, but hard as hell to drawn. it doesn't look proportional to itself cause its got such weird angles and curves. hard to draw for sure. panel 2 aliens look cool and menacing. big snake thing looks cool. but the snake and the human don't appear to be standing on the same plane. he looks high up.. and snake looks like he would be propped up on a floor way below due to size. sssssooooo....that's my thoughts. got some neat stuff going on. id like to see more art from you for sure. rob

04-07-2014, 08:26 PM	#7
ld-airgrafix Registered User Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 576	Thats very good, you have skill in drawing, just work on varying your angles and story telling. For example, i would switch 1st page, panel 1 and 2 around. Panel 2 is a lot stronger

04-07-2014, 09:50 PM	#8
TrevorDLewis Registered User Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 8	Awesome! Thanks for breaking down your thoughts on all the pages Rob. I really appreciate it. I struggled with Page 1 Panel 1. Didn't know what to put, haha. Thought about telephone lines but found it hard to do the spaceship with them. That spaceship is not in proper perspective now that I really look at it.....doh! I'm learning to pay more attention to the perspective overall and the relationships objects have with each other. I 100% agree with everything else you mentioned. Thanks again Rob. Thank you as well Id-airgrafix. Page 1 Panel 1 was the most painful panel for me......ever, haha. Thanks for the great tips guys!