Looking for Critique

[Flightyfelon]

Hello! I'm new to this site and to sequential art in general.
I'm working on a personal comic project and was hoping to get some critique on these pages since they're a little out-there. I want to make sure it's obvious what's going on and if anyone has any advice I'd be glad to hear it

[Metalni]

Awesome drawing skills, but to avoid a confusion, obviously you need a better cam positions and frame layout.
Try with a storyboard first.

[Flightyfelon]

Originally Posted by Metalni

Awesome drawing skills, but to avoid a confusion, obviously you need a better cam positions and frame layout.
Try with a storyboard first.

I've been working to get better at making the camera angles easier to read hehe. Where did you get confused? (if you don't mind elaborating)

[Stewart Vernon]

Some of the confusion results (I think) from the characters blending into the background. This might be fixed after inking/finishing and coloring, though.

[Metalni]

Yes, it will fix that... (I guess.)

But from my perspective, the main problem is a wrong choice of frames/panels in the layout.
And when you combine that with those crazy cam angles, it becomes pretty messy to see what happens there.
Plus, there is a few lines that blends from one frame to another.

Ok, like Stewart said, I guess that ink and colour will fix most of issues.

[Flightyfelon]

Yeah my penciling style is very light. I do want to make everything clear right from the start, however, and I thank you both for your critiques!

The reason I went with this arrangement of panels is because I wanted to invoke some symmetry. That's also why the lines from the tower on the second page merge into the bandages of the falling skeleton.
I do agree that I probably should have gone with another approach though hehe.

[Metalni]

If you want, send me a script and I will sketch you a quick storyboard.

[Flightyfelon]

Originally Posted by Metalni

If you want, send me a script and I will sketch you a quick storyboard.

Wow thank you! And sent.