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Old 04-25-2014, 10:34 AM   #1
Steven Forbes
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TPG Week 174: When Pacing Is The Only Thing Wrong


Welcome back to another installment of The Proving Grounds! This week, we have a new Brave One in Michael Mourounas! Let me also introduce a man who needs no introduction, as he was my first helper here at The Proving Grounds: Yannick Morin! Steve Colle is still on sabbatical, and will be for the near future, and Yannick has graciously stepped in to fill the void. So, we've got Yannick in green, I'm still in red, and let's see what Michael does with





FORCED MARCH



PAGE ONE – 3 panels, one large across the top, and the others dispersed however is best (Funny you should phrase it that way because “however is best” is exactly how the artist is going to do it, no matter what you tell him. As a writer, the only power you have over layout pertains to the way it affects the story. Number of panels is the best example. Another example would be to require a larger panel for an establishing shot, but then again if your artist is any kind of competent, he’ll understand that establishing shots usually require larger panels. Moral of the story: stick to panel descriptions and dialogue and leave the layout to the artist. He’s as much a creator as you are and you’re just encroaching on his territory when you tell him how to build the page.)



Panel 1. A forest at night. Three soldiers crouch in a foxhole as mortar rounds splinter the surrounding trees. They are dressed in tattered US World War II uniforms. (I like this. As an opening establishing shot, it works. We have a WHERE, we have a WHEN, we have a WHO and we have a WHAT. The HOW can be surmised from the dialogue that follows so you get a pass. However, there’s just one little detail about the WHERE that could be specified: the Americans fought in more than one theater during WW2. A temperate European, a North African, a Scandinavian and a Pacific Island forest are widely different – sort those out for your artist.)


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Old 04-27-2014, 08:14 PM   #2
SamRoads
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Forced March

Holy Script Editing, Batman! What a good piece.

I like the story, the theme and the title. This is going to turn into a great comic.

Can't fault Steven and Yannick's pacing commentary, but I don't think it's going to be that hard to rewrite this and get it right.

Also interesting to hear Steven's views on emphasis. Very well explained and something I'm in complete agreement over.

Thanks Yannick and Steven.
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