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Old 10-10-2014, 06:04 PM   #1
Steven Forbes
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TPG Week 198: How To Bore In Five Pages


Welcome back, one and all, to The Proving Grounds! This week, we have another entry from Chelsea Smith! We also have Liam Hayes in blue, and I'm looking rather svelte in red, and we'll see what Chelsea does with

Koshka

PAGE ONE (six panels)

Panel one: Daytime. Animal shelter. A miserable, lonely, three-legged cat sits in her enclosure, staring forward through the glass. She has the standard fare. A blanket, a food bowl, a water bowl, toy, and a litter box. Nothing special. Out of shot, a pair of women talk. (I'm not a know-it-all, I swear. However, my cat only has two paws. His two hind paws are gone. So, the question to ask is, which leg is missing?)

TALBOT (OP): You say she’s friendly?

VOLUNTEER (OP): Oh yes, she’s just the sweetest thing. It’s a real shame about her leg. (Comma-fail.)

Panel two: Wider shot of the shelter. (Do we see other enclosures?) More people walk by (This is first we've heard of people walking by.), not looking down at her enclosure. The cat places one paw on the window.

TALBOT (OP): Did she get in a fight?

VOLUNTEER (OP): No. Hit by a car. She can move just fine and all, but (That comma should be here.) so far, nobody’s wanted the tripod.

Panel three: The cat continues to stare through the glass, but the focus is no longer on her. Behind her, visible through the bars in the back of her enclosure (Hmm. These bars have just jumped in. I pictured the back of the enclosure being a brick wall. Why does the enclosure have a window in the front and bars in the back? That seems odd.), a stiff-backed black woman named DR. TALBOT, dressed in casual but nice clothes (perhaps a bit too nice to wear to an animal shelter) speaks with one of the shelter volunteers. (These characters have just popped into the scene. We should've seen them in panel one and two if the back of the enclosure is merely bars.)

(This panel has just thrown me completely out of the story.)

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