Creator Owned Sequentials

[DJA]

Matt,

First off ,thanks for taking your time to give me an in depth critique. You pointed out things which are hard to see on my own and even harder to see when I don't have people in my life with an artist's eye. Can't get better if you don't know what you're doing wrong!

I totally see what you're saying about cropping the figures at the points I have chosen. That's a simple enough rule for me to keep an eye on. I feel like having that in my repertoire now will improve my layouts before hand. Making the scene clearer and my choices more concrete.

Mouths. How do they work? lol Busted! Sometimes I just go for the cartoon mouth and it shows.It doesn't always convey what I'm trying to. Time for a small mirror and not being lazy : )

I try to make the scenes look a little lived in. But I can't seem to strike a balance in line work so it doesn't look muddy(that's a user issue not a choice). I get so caught up putting some lines in that I then get unsure how it looks. Cleaning it up, only to leave it stark and bland. I need to get confident enough and maybe look at what others are doing to achieve that effect.

Those soldiers that are tethered are a part of a new Homeland Terror Task Force. Those lines they use are a new technology that are like prehensile tails. Fast Deploy/redeploy. They are detachable upon entry. Connected to the user and linked with the computer they have in their helmets. As for indoors or on the ground around trees ,no. lol. They would be bumping into everything!

Your last point has me the most worried. You always hear to draw on a 10x15 image but never hear about the intricacies of trim bleed and full bleed. My concern now is can the area be saved by adjusting the size in PS or will I have to redraw? I'm glad you also mentioned the editors view on full bleeds. I think cutting back on some full bleeds would make it stand out when I decide to go that route.

Once again man, you didn't have to take time to do this and yet,you did. Which is something that will make me stronger as an artist. I've seen your art before this critique which makes it an even more valuable crit. I dig your stuff! Hopefully when I post my newest pages you'll see the effort I've put into your suggestions.

Thanks again,

D

[MattTriano]

First off, thanks for taking your time to give me an in depth critique. You pointed out things which are hard to see on my own and even harder to see when I don't have people in my life with an artist's eye. Can't get better if you don't know what you're doing wrong!

No worries dude, glad I could help.

I try to make the scenes look a little lived in. But I can't seem to strike a balance in line work so it doesn't look muddy(that's a user issue not a choice). I get so caught up putting some lines in that I then get unsure how it looks. Cleaning it up, only to leave it stark and bland. I need to get confident enough and maybe look at what others are doing to achieve that effect.

The challenge is choosing the correct lines for the effect, which is entirely dependant upon your intent. Sometimes a place needs to be dirty or disused, which is different than muddy and not quite the same as wet. Eroded, rusty and crumbling are also similar but ultimately demand different marks to indicate different textural elements. Reference anything you can't immediately envision (read: almost everything). I think one of the most important things to remember when cartooning for ink is that you don't have to draw everything -- just the right things. Find them with economy -- that means as little as you can get away with while communicating effectively, informing what the readers know and how they feel exactly when you want them to do. That's difficult, but doable.

Your last point has me the most worried. You always hear to draw on a 10x15 image but never hear about the intricacies of trim bleed and full bleed. My concern now is can the area be saved by adjusting the size in PS or will I have to redraw? I'm glad you also mentioned the editors view on full bleeds. I think cutting back on some full bleeds would make it stand out when I decide to go that route.

I draw at print size (6 5/8 x 10 1/8") with a live area indented 5/8" from the top and bottom, 1/2" left and right. I like to draw small. At regular size (10x15") I would leave 6/8" top/bottom and 5/8" on the sides. Some artists leave less, some a little more. In print, a 10x15 page is reduced by 67% and can be trimmed up to 1/8" on all sides.

Addressing these pages specifically, you can do one of two things -- make everything full bleed (art reaches edge of the 10x15 page) or use PS to shrink panels which are not designed to bleed. If you reduce the size of the panels while preserving the aspect ratio you'll have more space to draw in the panels above and below; you may find you have to adjust compositions or continue drawings which are currently restricted by panel borders.

That said, and you didn't ask this specifically, I think you should re-draw these pages anyway for all the reasons I mentioned in critique. I think these are very good, just not as good as they could be -- and you can do better. Knowing that your live area is smaller will also change your approach to composition and will effect the way in which you organize pages.

Once again man, you didn't have to take time to do this and yet,you did. Which is something that will make me stronger as an artist. I've seen your art before this critique which makes it an even more valuable crit. I dig your stuff! Hopefully when I post my newest pages you'll see the effort I've put into your suggestions.

Thanks for the kind words. Cheers man.

You're good! Keep going.

Best,
M

[Barri "Clubber" La]

The exchange between you and Matt is exactly what makes communities like this such a great place to hang out. Insight offered and taken on board by the recipient. People growing as a result.

I'm a layman so don't feel qualified to offer an opinion beyond "sweet" your work is clean, detailed and you clearly want to learn and improve.

Rock on! (plus let's write/draw a story and become overnight indie sensations

[DJA]

Matt, thanks again for the tips! Drawing those pages again..I don't think I have it in me! BUT, going forward I plan on using the info you have provided me with in my pages and especially submissions.

Going to take the route of adjusting digitally. Thanks for suggesting that.

On my newest page I kept all pertinent info within the dimensions you suggested. I feel like it has a tighter composition. Once again, thanks for the info .Really helpful,man!

[DJA]

Totally Barri! I love this community! Thanks for the kind words, totally want to get better!

[MattTriano]

Originally Posted by DJA

On my newest page I kept all pertinent info within the dimensions you suggested...

If this is the newest page, no you didn't. Sorry I wasn't clearer about this: you need to leave blank white gutter space on the top, bottom, left and right of the panels if any of them are not full bleed. Most panels shouldn't bleed.

For non-bleed panels leave at least 3/8" of blank space from the edge of the page. Even for bleed panels, keep the important information toward the interior of the page if possible. On this page the little shapes right up next to the edge of the page will go away.

This page would print as if all the panels were full bleed, probably cutting off the little bits of panels 1 and 3 you've got peeking out on the sides and might even cut into left and right of panel 2. You must either extend pnl 2 to the edge and make it bleed off the edge of the page or digitally shrink pnl 2. When you shrink it (and I'd argue you could shrink pnl 1 as well) you have two big choices, either make pnl 2 an inset panel set atop one or both existing bleed panels OR separate pnl 2 by gutters. I vote shrink it and add clear gutters.

Gutters are very important BTW. At least 1/8" thick, white or black is up to you.

You didn't ask about this but FYI pnl 3 is a little boring. Why not overlap the bird and figure by re-angling the shot in order to place the reader's POV more directly in the path of the bird and the guy as they drop into scene. Hero? Villain? Make me feel it with gesture, lighting, mood. I should be excited or scared of this guy without seeing the girls' reactions to him.

Fix this one and post more!

Best,
M

[DJA]

My man! Going to fix this up after work tonight and repost! Thanks Matt!

[K.E. Woolfork]

These pages are nothing short or incredible!

[DJA]

Thanks K.E., that feels good! : ) Always room for improvement though!

[emmanuelxerxjavier]

the artwork on these pages are so clear and crisp!. awesome linework!, the cars, perspective, everything looks amazing!

[K.E. Woolfork]

Are you doing anything for the DWP anthology?

[pandayboss]

Wow, great work there!

[Toondoctor]

Very good pages but do you really need the extended scene set up? You start in space and slowly move into the cityscape/campus location. Unless your story needs it and refers to the satellite and space/planets extensively, I would skip this part and start the establishing shots directly in the campus. You can save the extra page for more storytelling intensive shots that you may need towards the end of your story. In other words, don't waste all your pages in one area of your comic if it's not as important. You may regret it later.

Alternatively, you can also combine necessary elements from page one with page two and still gain the extra page.

Cheers

[DJA]

@Toondoctor It's a scene where there's a narration, setting up the world, before jumping into the story between the two dudes in the office.The "In a world" schtick lol. Thanks for checking it out and giving a critique : )

Thanks @pandyboss : )

[Josh Thompson]

Really nice pencils man, good stuff