Go Back   Digital Webbing Forums > Talent Engine > Writer Showcase

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-30-2019, 07:13 AM   #1
SAWeyers
Registered User
 
SAWeyers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
SAWeyers is on a distinguished road

Sentinels Vol 1 Issue 1 - Excerpt (Looking for feedback)

Let me preface this by saying this is my initial attempt at writing a comic script, so some things may not be formatted 'correctly'.

Feel free to provide feedback and/or advice, etc.

So here we go...

Dramatis Personae:
Arbalest: Archer/Sniper armed with hi-tech crossbow
Finna: Technopath/Hacker (Female)
Thonn: Alien Lionman
Umbra: Shadow/Darkness Magician (Female)
Manta: Fighter - Wears advanced battle suit designed for underwater
Chains: Fighter - Something like Ghost Rider, without the flaming skull, etc.
Siege: Fighter - Giant sized 'Brick'
Storm Strike: Fire\Lightning Caster (woman)
Night Bird: Ninja (Woman)


Page 1: Frame 1 (Full width)
June 7, 2019 9:30pm Amsterdam, Netherlands:
CAMERA: Arbalest is crouched at the corner of the roof of a small multi-storied office building overlooking a fenced in compound of Dyne Industries. He is looking down into the compound through a high powered scope attached to a futuristic looking crossbow.

Arbalest (Thought balloon): “This was supposed to be a vacation, a few days away from the grind. A chance to unwind, relax and recharge"

Page 1: Frame 2 (Full Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to the entrance of a one-story block building. A couple of guards wearing Dyne Industries uniforms stand outside.

Arbalest (Thought Balloons): “This was a chance for Ingrid and I to have some alone time, work some things out."
"Then O.D.I.N. had to ruin it all. Damn that bloody computer!"
"But O.D.I.N was very rarely wrong."
"Based on significant data mining (some simple GOOGLE-Fu) and on how the guards were equipped this was definitely one of Dyne Industries ‘covert’ complexes."
"Who knows what horrors that bloody sod may have going on in there.”

Page 1: Frame 3 (3/4 Width)
CAMERA:View shifts to the secured gate of the compound. A small, cinder-block shed with plexi-glass windows sits next to an electrified and locked gate. Another pair of guards stand on either side of the paved entrance.

No Dialogue

Page 1: Frame 4 (1/4 Width)
CAMERA: Arbalest tapping the com built into his helmet

Arbalest: “Arbalest to team.. I’ve got eyes on two guards at the main entrance, lightly armed and two more at the entrance to the bunker."
"Give me a sitrep.”

Page 1: Frame 5 (Full Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to head shots of the various team members

Finna: “Finna in position”
Chains: “Yo!”
Siege: “Siege ready”
Manta: “Manta awaiting orders”
Night Bird: “Ready”
Storm Strike: *static*
Thonn: “Thonn ready”
Umbra: “Da ”

Page 2: Frame 1 (1/2 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts back to head shot of Arbalest

Arbalest:“Storm Strike...? Storm Strike come in?“
"Storm Strike? This is Arbalest please respond?”
Thought Balloon: "Damn it to bloody hell, where is that girl?"
“... Storm Strike?” *More static*
“Can’t wait any longer, slight change of plans…"
"Chains, Siege, Manta and Night Bird you are now the reserve.”

Page 2: Frame 2 (1/2 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts back to head shots of Chains, Siege, Night Bird and Manta

Chains: “Ugh, damn…”
Manta: “Aye sir”
Night Bird: “OK”
Siege: “Check”

Page 2: Frame 2 (1/3 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts back to Arbalest’s scoped view of guarded gate
Arbalest: “Ready? In 3..2..1..”
*Two quick ‘twangs’ of a crossbow only seconds apart*

Page 2: Frame 3 & 4 (1/3 Width Each)
CAMERA: View shifts to guards at gate getting hit in neck with needle headed bolts

Page 2: Frame 5 (Full Width)
CAMERA: View changes to guards slumped against guard post or lying on the ground unconscious. All dialogue coming from out of frame
Arbalest: “Arbalest to Finna… you’re up”
Finna: “On my way”
Arbalest:”Thonn, Umbra, back her up”
Thonn: “Of course”
Umbra: “Da luchnik [Yes Arbalest]”

Page 3: Frame 1 (Full Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to Finna approaching the gate, Thonn and Umbra several paces behind. Finna has readied a narrow mechanical rod with a small claw-like appendage at the end.

No Dialogue

Page 3: Frame 2 (1/2 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to locked gate, the rod Finna is carrying pressed up against the lock. Dialogue from out of frame

Finna: “Give me a couple seconds”
*a loud ‘KACHUNK’ sound.*
Finna: “We are in… after you my Prince”
Thonn: *slight growling sound* “Ha funny…”
Umbra: *chuckles*

Page 3: Frame 3 (1/2 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts back to Arbalest’s view of guarded bunker

Arbalest: “Umbra, think you can take the two guards at the nuker quick and quiet?”
Umbra: “Da...”
Arbalest: “Thonn, Finna be ready”

Page 3: Frame 4 (1/3 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to Umbra as she fades into the nearby shadows

No dialogue

Page 3: Frame 4 (2/3 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts back to the bunker, Umbra steps out of the nearby shadows.Shadowy grey-black tendrils extend from Umbra’s hands to encircle the guards throats

Guard 1: “Wha?! Where’d you come fr... ack”
Guards: “Grrgh”, “Ack”

Page 3: Frame 5 (1/2 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to guards slumped on the ground, wisps of grey-black drifting away. Umbra stands over them

Umbra: “Guards neutralized, we can proceed”

Page 3: Frame 6 (1/2 Width)
CAMERA: View shifts to Arbalest looking down from building crossbow resting on ledge
Arbalest: “Excellent work people, strike team rendezvous at the bunker." "Reserves stay where you are."
"I’ll stay on overwatch and keep an eye out for our wayward teammate.”

CONTINUED...

*** I can add more if any is interested ***

Thanks for taking a few minutes to look ..

Last edited by SAWeyers; 07-01-2019 at 06:06 AM.
SAWeyers is offline   Reply With Quote
Connect With Facebook to "Like" This Thread

Old 07-04-2019, 01:24 AM   #2
ld-airgrafix
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 572
ld-airgrafix has a spectacular aura aboutld-airgrafix has a spectacular aura about

Im no professional so take my advice with a grain of salt. As an artist, reading a script can be very intimidating, for me personally helps having shown number of panels at the beginning of every page ie. page5 (6 panels). I think it helps alot when laying out roughs
__________________
http://vxss57.deviantart.com/
ld-airgrafix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2019, 08:44 AM   #3
SAWeyers
Registered User
 
SAWeyers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
SAWeyers is on a distinguished road

Thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind
SAWeyers is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:18 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
© 1997-2015 Digital Webbing, LLC